Stooping down, he picked up a thick branch, broke it in half, and tossed it onto the fire, causing a burst of sparks to fly heavenward.
“We’ll try for Civita Castellana tomorrow and then head west for the Tyrrhenian Sea,” Theophilus said without opening his eyes.
* * *
Rizpah sat down on the bank of the stream, her knees drawn up against her chest.
“O Lord, I need you,” she whispered brokenly. “Am I going to contend against this man for the rest of my life? I miss Shimei. I miss the safety I felt being with him. Why couldn’t I have gone on that way?”
She rested her chin on her knees, thinking she should go back and watch over Caleb. But Atretes had proven himself more than capable of that. Moonlight cast shimmering reflections, like sparkling jewels, on the dark moving stream. She let out her breath slowly, drawing on her faith.
“You are the God of creation, who gave us Jesus. How can I sit here and say you don’t understand? Who but you can understand, Lord?”
She stood and held her hands out palms up, looking to the heavens.
“Father, I thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon me. You brought me out of the darkness in which I was living and placed Shimei in my life. He was such a pure, sweet man. He never made the mistakes I did. He deserved someone better than I. Some people are born obedient to your will, Lord, and Shimei was such a man.”
Her voice was thick with tears. “Help me remember you made me as I am for your own purposes. I don’t have to know what they are. I don’t know why I had to lose Shimei or why Rachel had to die. I don’t know anything other than you sustained me, Lord. Out of my sorrow, you gave me Caleb and joy.”
She lowered her hands.
And now there was Atretes.
She shook her head faintly, closing her eyes and lifting her face to the cool night. “It’s so peaceful and beautiful here, Lord,” she said softly. “When I’m by myself like this, I can think and convince myself that you’ll sustain me through whatever comes. But, Abba, I’m burdened with feeling where he’s concerned. You know the woman I am. You knit me together. Couldn’t you have made me a little differently? Lead me not into temptation. Lord, I know I’m a weak vessel. Atretes speaks, and I take his words to heart. He looks at me, and I melt inside. He touches me, and I burn for him.”
A soft night breeze caressed the leaves in the tree near the stream bank. The sound was peaceful.
“Lord, may it be your Word that is carved upon my heart, your love that I crave. Open my mind and heart to drink in the word Theophilus gives me each morning. Strengthen me for your purpose. Cast out the ‘if onlys’ and ‘what ifs’ that plague me when Atretes looks at me. I remember what it felt like to be loved by a man. Sometimes I hunger for that kind of loving again. Help me to see him through your eyes, Lord, and not through the eyes of a fleshly woman. Redeem him, Father. Bring him up out of the pit and set his feet upon the Rock.”
Insects chirped around her and the soft burbling of the stream soothed her.
A strong sense of peace overwhelmed her, and she fell silent, too choked with emotion to speak. Music, Lord. All around me is the music of your creation. She let the sounds flow over and around her in sweet harmony, thinking of all the times the Lord had sustained her and provided for her, and her heart rose and swelled, renewed.
O Lord, you are with me always. I can rest in your promise. I will let my confidence rest in you.
Unburdened and renewed, she drew up her tunic and knotted it so she could wade in the stream. Hands outstretched, she turned slowly, basking in the moonlight. Bending down, she cupped the icy water and flung it high into the night sky, an offering of sparkling jewels to the one who had quenched her thirst with living water.
Her heart sang out within her, overflowing.
* * *
Atretes sat grimly by the fire, waiting. It seemed hours had passed before he saw Rizpah come up from the stream. He lowered his head slightly so she wouldn’t know he’d been watching and waiting for her return. When she came close, he glanced up and noted the damp curls around her face. Had she bathed in that frigid stream? She was looking at Caleb, who was still playing on the packs, and then at Theophilus snoring. She smiled in amusement, and Atretes’ chest tightened.
She glanced at him almost shyly and sat down wearily on her own blanket across the fire from him. Why was she so still, that beatific look on her face? He wanted to ask her what had taken her so long.
“Mama,” Caleb said and crawled toward her. When she put him on her lap, he rubbed his eyes with his fists. She kissed the top of his head and stroked his dark hair. He rubbed his face against her breasts, his eyelids heavy. Shifting him gently, she lay down and tucked him close to her to keep him warm. She drew her shawl up to cover herself before opening her clothing and nursing him to sleep.