There’s nothing for me there. “How is that fair?”
I don’t have time to wipe my eyes before the sting of an open-palmed slap warms my cheek. I haven’t been physically punished since I was a child. My breath halts, our eyes meet again. My hand flies to the burning warmth radiating from the side of my face.
“You are not to ask questions anymore. Do you understand that? I am your father. I know what is best for you. Your future is in my hands.” His voice is low, raspy and desperate in his throat as he wags a finger in my face. “You are to remain chaste and true until the day you are sealed to a husband of my choosing.”
I want to tell him it’s too late. Instead I bite my tongue, knowing that going tit-for-tat with my father never ends well for anyone.
“I said, do you understand?” He spits his words at me.
“Yes, Father.” I hang my head low, unable to meet his omnipotent stare. “I understand.”
He straightens his back, pulling his shoulders firm, his fists clenched tight. A lingering silence fills my room until he disappears a moment later. I rise up and amble to my dresser, taking a good, hard look at myself in the mirror. There’s a handprint on my cheek, splays of white and pink making an outline of my father’s hand. My eyes are watery still, achy and swollen. My hair is disheveled and out of place, and I thank my lucky stars my father didn’t notice. He must’ve been too busy seeing red to pay any attention to my appearance.
The girl staring back at me is jaded and confused, hardly recognizable.
There’s a faint rapping on the door. My mind immediately goes to Jensen and my heart leaps. I shake my head, rattling those inappropriate thoughts and refusing to indulge in whirlwind excitement. He is not my boyfriend. He’s simply a catalyst, helping me become the woman I’m supposed to be.
“Can I come in?” It’s Bellamy.
“Yeah.”
The door parts and she slides in, shutting it behind her. “You all right?”
If I confide in my sister, I risk disappointing her too. “Of course.”
She tilts her head, our matching blue eyes holding from across the room. “Obviously you’re not.” She glides over to my bed, perching on the edge. “That Bruce guy was a creep.”
Bellamy never talks that way about anyone, let alone a church elder.
“He was.” I nod, rubbing my lips together. I’m stuck between wanting to confide in her and not wanting her to be disappointed in me. “Do you think Dad wants him to marry one of us?”
She shakes her head. “I hope not. Dad always said we could pick our own husbands.”
“Dad also said I go to college if I got a scholarship, and he changed his mind about that.”
Bellamy’s eyes widen. “Seriously? Are you sure?”
“That’s what he said tonight.”
She draws her legs up onto the bed, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “Dad’s changed lately. But so have you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know.” She shakes her head and blows a wisp of ashy blonde hair from her face. “Ever since Jensen came around, there’s been a change in you. If I’ve seen it, you can guarantee Dad’s noticed, too.”
“What does Jensen have to do with anything?” I remind myself to be careful, to not grow too defensive. “He’s our brother, Bellamy.”
“Kind of. Not really.” She shrugs. “If you want to get technical.”
“You’re imagining things. There’s nothing going on between us.” My lie sinks deep into my marrow, becoming a part of me.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one said anything was going on between you.” She places her hands in the air. “I’m just saying, you’re different.”
“Different how?”
“Mostly in the way you carry yourself, especially when he’s around. You spend a little extra time getting ready in the morning. I catch you staring at him sometimes at dinner.” Bellamy laughs. “He’s an attractive guy. You’re the same age. I get it. You’re starting to notice… boys.”
“You do realize I’m almost nineteen years old.” This conversation is as awkward as it is untimely.
“Yeah, but you’re starting to take interest in the opposite sex in an obvious way now,” Bellamy says. “I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. And it’s noticeable. And I think that’s why Dad’s acting weird.”
“So you think that’s why he invited Mr. Waterman over?” It’s all coming together. If my father threatens to arrange my marriage simply because he catches me looking at Jensen, what’s he going to do if he finds out I gave him my virginity?