Anticipation(36)

Although what the prize might be was beyond her.

This is what happens when you fuck your best friend. Congratulations.

She pressed a hand to her chest, hating how jittery and wound up she  was. Hating the fact that the person who had made her that way was Eddie  - her best, most beloved friend.

Her phone chirruped in her back pocket. It was Hans, texting to let her  know a call had come in for her, and he'd had to take a message because  no one could find her.

Translation: no one had been game enough to interrupt her and Eddie screaming at each other.

She closed her eyes for a long beat as it hit her for the first time  that everyone now knew that she and Eddie had slept with each other.  There was no way they couldn't know, given how loudly she and Eddie and  been screaming at each other.

Just what she needed on top of everything else. Now everyone would be  looking at them out of the corner of their eyes and wondering. Ink  wasn't exactly a hotbed of gossip, but for sure she and Eddie would be  the topic of a few hushed conversations.

Shaking her head, she read the rest of the message, her eyebrows rising in surprise.

Sienna had called.

She hadn't heard from Sienna since her former foster sister had asked  for money and Blue had told her it would be the last time. At that point  in her life, Sienna had been battling heroin addiction, and Blue had  hated knowing that whatever money she gave her friend went straight up  her arm. That was three years ago now, though.

Three years of silence.

She considered the number warily, not sure she wanted to invite Sienna  back into her life. They had shared some tough times together, but Blue  had learned early that she couldn't save people from themselves. Too  many foster care placements and group homes had taught her that painful  lesson.

On the other hand, if she didn't call, it would play on her mind. Screw  it. Might as well get it over and done with. It wasn't as though Sienna  was going to ruin her day, after all. Eddie had already taken care of  that.

She dialed quickly, listening to the phone ring at the other end, one  arm braced across her belly as she tried to anticipate what Sienna might  want.

Money was at the top of the list, followed by a place to stay. Or maybe  there was something else going on, trouble with the police or -

"Hello?" Sienna's voice came down the line, familiar even after three years.

"Sienna, it's Blue. I got your message."

"Oh, Blue. I'm so glad you returned my call. I wasn't sure you would,"  Sienna said, her high, slightly childish voice heavy with an underlying  sadness that made Blue frown.

"Is something wrong?"

"I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Alice died on Sunday. I  wasn't sure if someone else had contacted you, but I thought I'd double  check just in case, since the funeral is this Thursday up in Albury."

Blue closed her eyes for a long beat. Alice was a foster mother who had  opened her home and her heart to hundreds of kids during her lifetime.  When Blue was nearly eighteen she had spent six months living with  Alice, Blue's last stop in the system before she'd gained the legal  right to look after herself.

"Thanks for letting me know, Sienna. I appreciate it."

"Alice was one of the good ones. I figured you'd want to know."

"Are you going? To the funeral, I mean?" Blue asked.

"Yeah, I figure I owe it to her," Sienna said. "How are you, anyway?"         

     



 

"I'm good. Same as always, really," Blue said. Her throat was tight with  suppressed emotion. "Listen, Sienna, I need to go. But I'll see you up  in Albury. Do you have any idea where the funeral is?"

"I've got the details somewhere. How about I call back when I find them?" Sienna offered.

"That'd be great, thanks. I'll see you on Thursday."

Blue ended the call and tucked her phone into her pocket. Her eyes  burned with the need to cry. Sienna was right - Alice had been one of  the good ones, one of the few shining lights in the dark years after  Blue's parents had died. Alice had taken all the shit Blue had thrown at  her and offered patience, kindness, and absolution in return. It wasn't  until Blue had been out on her own, able to see the wood for the trees,  that she'd appreciated the true value of her foster mother's simple  honesty and decency. At the time, she'd seen Alice as yet one more  person who didn't understand or care. One more person who couldn't  replace her parents or give Blue what she needed.

Alice must have been only fifty-four or -five when she died. What a  shitty deal for a woman who had given so much to the world. But since  when had life been fair? Blue sniffed, then blinked away the moisture  pooling in her eyes. She had a client due in fifteen minutes. She needed  to set up. She couldn't afford to lose it, even if the urge to cry was  almost overwhelming.

Sniffing again, she went inside. Her footsteps slowed when she passed  the foot of the staircase, and she stopped and glanced up the stairwell  toward Eddie and Rafel's office.

If they hadn't slept together, she could climb these stairs right now  and tell Eddie her bad news and know, absolutely, that he would have her  back. He would open his arms for her, and hold her while she let her  sadness leak out. He'd remind her that there was good in the world as  well as sorrow, laughter as well as tears. He'd be her friend. Her rock.

But she couldn't go to Eddie today. She certainly couldn't seek comfort  in his arms. She'd destroyed any chance of that happening when she'd  crossed the line with him.

For the first time in a long time, she felt the ache of true loneliness.  She'd isolated herself by sleeping with Eddie, cut off her main source  of connection and comfort in the world. Right now, right this second,  with the weight of Alice's death bearing down on her and the echo of  Eddie's angry words still echoing in her head, she couldn't imagine how  that would change.

She turned away from the stairs. She needed to set up her gear, and  while she was at it, she needed to psych herself up to spend the next  five hours tattooing ink into a stranger's skin.

Then and only then could she go home and fall apart.





Chapter Seventeen

"Don't worry, I'll apologize to Steffi," Eddie said the moment Raf entered the office.

He'd been sitting staring at the wall for ten minutes while Raf settled  things downstairs, stewing over what had happened, and the only solid  conclusion he'd come to so far was that he'd acted like a dick.

He'd been in a foul mood all day, thanks to the evening from hell, a  truly spectacular hangover and the fact that Blue had been late to work  this morning. Visions of her oversleeping in Thompson's bed had driven  him quietly insane for all of the twenty-five minutes she was tardy, a  feeling that was only slightly ameliorated by the news that she was late  because she'd been at a doctor's appointment. When Steffi had reported a  stuff up with the afternoon's schedule, he'd been primed to explode,  and he had. Big time.

Raf didn't say anything as he walked across to his desk and dropped into  his seat. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment. Eddie  was the first to look away.

"I know. I fucked up," he said heavily.

"I can think of better ways to have handled the situation," Raf said mildly.

"Is she …  Is Blue all right?" He kept seeing her flinch away from his words, over and over.

God, he was such an asshole.

"She's with a client. I assume she's okay."

Eddie rubbed his gritty eyes. Man, he was tired.

"I'll talk to her after work. Apologize," he said, even though it made his gut churn.

"I need to say something," Raf said suddenly. "And you might not want to hear it."

Eddie dropped his head back against his chair. "Trust me, this day can hardly suck harder."

"I was thinking about Lena last night. About how it was toward the end."  Raf paused, and Eddie turned his head so he could see his twin's face.  "Sometimes, you think that just because you feel something so strongly,  that's the only way it can be. And sometimes it is, like with Maggie.  And sometimes it isn't. I think you need to consider that maybe Blue  doesn't feel the same way that you do."         

     



 

Eddie smiled, even though it was the last thing he felt like doing. "Don't worry, I'm already there."

Blue had told him she wasn't interested in more, then she'd gone out  with Reid last night. Messages didn't get much louder or clearer than  that.

"Did you get there before or after screaming at Blue in the staff room?" Raf asked.

It was a fair question.

"That was pure jealousy," Eddie admitted. With a side order of hurt  thrown in. He wasn't proud of it, but at least he could own it. He'd  been acting like a bratty kid from the second he laid eyes on Reid  Thompson.

"You going to be okay?" Raf asked.

Eddie considered the backs of his hands, sorting through his thoughts and feelings.

"I'll live," he said eventually. "It's not the way I want things to be, but there's not much I can do about it, right?"