He pulled out his phone and took a quick snap of the chock-full refrigerator, then called up her name on his contacts list. He stopped before hitting Send, remembering this morning, suddenly uncertain whether she'd welcome a message from him right now, teasing or otherwise.
The realization was a kick in the gut. Not once in ten years had he doubted his place in Blue's world, or hers in his.
Grim, he slid his phone into his pocket. She'd asked for space. The least he could do was give it to her.
Eddie texted on her third day at the beach house, sending her a photograph of a freshly-inked tattoo. No words, just the picture of a single eye surrounded by mystical clouds, the skin still red from the needle.
Blue admired the clean lines of his work, then turned her phone around and took a picture of the view, complete with her injured leg propped on a chair, framed by the dated seventies-era flower-power curtains that graced the Aldana family's beach cottage.
She hit Send, then allowed herself a small smile. He'd reached out in the best possible way, and it felt good that he cared enough to do so.
The next day, he sent a picture of a greasy, delicious-looking burger that she recognized as being from her favorite burger place in Fitzroy. She returned fire with a shot of the hot chocolate crammed with marshmallows that Lena had made her.
The day after that, it was a shot of the shiny alloy wheel of his Ferrari. She was taking a picture of her single battered moccasin slipper when Lena piped up.
"Okay, I'll bite. Who are you sending a picture of your slipper to?"
"Eddie."
"Desperate to know about your footwear, is he?"
"He sent me a photo of the wheel of his car."
Lena screwed up her nose. "You guys are weird."
Blue shrugged. She and Eddie understood each other.
Mostly, anyway.
Lena tossed the magazine she was reading onto the coffee table and stood, moving restlessly to the window. Outside, rain lashed at the windows, and the ocean was pewter-grey and vicious as it hammered against the beach below.
Blue watched her, noting the signs of tension in her friend's neck and shoulders. It had taken her a day or two to realize it because Lena was good at covering, but her friend was working through something. Something big if her periodic silences and brooding, staring-at-the-view sessions were anything to go by.
"You never said why you're home again so soon," Blue said.
Since she'd moved to New York, Lena's visits home had averaged about twice a year. So far this year, however, she'd made three visits, each only a month or so apart, and this time she was staying for six weeks.
"I was homesick."
Blue wasn't buying. The troubled look on Lena's face wasn't about craving the familiar.
"How much do you remember from your childhood?" Lena asked suddenly, glancing over her shoulder.
Blue was surprised by the weird segue, but she figured she'd go with it. At least Lena was talking, and maybe it would lead somewhere her friend needed to go.
"There are bits I remember very clearly. And there are bits I'm happy to forget," Blue said.
Lena looked stricken. "Shit. Sorry, Blue. I wasn't thinking."
"It's okay." Blue didn't talk about her parents a lot, but that was mostly because people didn't ask. "After my mum and dad died, I made a point of remembering everything I could about them. I used to have this book I kept all my memories in."
"That's a cool idea. Do you still look at it?"
Blue thought about the woman who'd taken the book from her and burned it in front of Blue and the rest of the children who had been placed in her "care."
"I lost it when I was fourteen. But I still remember. I don't need the book."
She'd never bothered writing down her memories again but they were still there, safely tucked away in her mind.
The softness of her mother's velour dressing gown against her cheek.
The wet-wool smell of her father's coat when he came home from work when it rained.
The warm strength of his hand around hers.
The sound of her parents laughing as they cooked together on Friday nights.
The way her mother used to let Blue rest her head on her lap and would stroke her hair while they watched TV at night.
For a while, the memory of her parents' love - for each other, as well as for her - had been the only thing that kept Blue going. After they were gone, there had been so much loneliness and disconnection as she'd been buffeted from group home to foster parents and back again. Blue had watched other kids sink beneath the trials of the foster system. She'd seen them turn to drugs, or evolve into little monsters, aping the people who'd let them down or abused them. She'd seen kids break, losing the power to protect themselves. But she'd been loved once, and she'd held fast to that knowledge, to the truth of that, and it had kept her strong.
Her memories had saved her, in more ways than one.
Blue blinked, shaking her head as she realized she'd gotten lost for a moment. "Sorry."
"Don't be. You had the sweetest smile on your face just now," Lena said wistfully.
Blue contemplated her friend. "Can you remember much from your childhood?"
Lena had asked the question, after all, and Blue's gut told her it hadn't been a random one.
"Sure. Big stuff, mostly. And a few silly little things." She studied the back of her hands. "There was this time when I got lost at Kmart. Mum told me not to run off, but I needed to see if they had the new Barbie doll I wanted. So I snuck off, but I couldn't find the toy department or my way back to Mum."
Blue had gotten lost in a department store when she was a kid, too. She could remember the blind panic of it. How impossible it had seemed that she'd ever find her parents again.
"That's one of my strongest memories," Lena said, glancing up at Blue. "Being lost."
Blue drew her good leg toward her chest and rested her chin on her knee, never taking her gaze from her friend's face.
"If you want to talk about whatever it is … "
Lena shook her head and turned toward the window again. "It won't help."
"It might."
Lena remained silent, resting her forehead against the glass, her gaze on the ocean.
Blue thought about the way her friend had been checking her phone regularly and made an educated guess.
"Let me get you started. You met a man," she said.
Lena's head whipped around. "How do you know that?"
"Lucky guess. Want to tell me about him?"
Lena's gaze was haunted as she stared at Blue. "I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to think about him. I don't want him in my head … "
Blue sat up a little straighter, disturbed by her friend's patent distress.
"Did he hurt you?" she asked carefully. Was that what this was about? Was Lena running away from some dominating, violent asshole?
Lena's smile was rueful. "No. The opposite."
Now Blue was really confused. "What, he made you feel good? And you don't want that?"
"Not when it takes over. Not when it's the only thing you can think about. Not when it consumes you." Lena wrapped her arms around herself, hands gripping her elbows tightly.
Dressed in leggings and an oversize mohair sweater, she looked about sixteen - if you discounted the tattoos and the wholly adult lushness of her figure.
"Is it the same for him?"
"I don't know."
"Are you afraid to ask?"
"I'm afraid to be in the same room with him."
"So don't be."
Lena laughed, the sound about as far from amused as it was possible to get. "Yep. It's that easy. I've been fighting this for a long time, Blue. More than six months."
"If this has been dogging you that long, maybe it's time to stare it in the eye and deal with it. Grab the tiger by the tail, and hold on tight for the ride of your life," Blue suggested.
"I'm not as brave as you, Blue. And I'm nowhere near as tough."
Blue thought of the way she'd retreated from Eddie barely a week ago. "I'm not brave. I'm a pragmatist. If you can't go around it, go under it. If you can't go under it, go over it. And if that option is out, go through it. The only thing you can't do is go backward or stand still. Life doesn't work like that."
Lena dropped her head forward, her hair flowing down to hide her expression. She seemed so scared and alone, Blue couldn't bear it. Pushing herself to her feet, she hopped the two steps required to enable her to wrap Lena in her arms.
"You could always run away and join the circus," she said.
Lena laughed, the sound of it vibrating through her slim body and into Blue's.
"I already did that, remember?"
"Yeah, I guess you did." Lena had left everything she knew and flown to America when she broke up with Rafel.
Lena squeezed her tightly before letting go and taking a step back. "You are so sneaky. I can't get you to say a word about what went down with Eddie, but you just made me spill my guts."