I waited.
This time, I knew my brother was coming.
CADEN
“What are we doing, Caden?”
“You were at the hospital.”
My brother paused, a harsh chuckle leaving him. “She told, huh? I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean she was in your be—”
“Finish that sentence, and that’s the last thing you’ll remember from tonight.” My hand flexed, and his gaze fell to it.
“Yeah. So what?” He bit out. “I was there.”
“You were there, Marcus! There. Right there. You could’ve gone to see him. He would’ve wanted you there. I’m tired of you coming, but not being there. There’s a big fucking difference.”
He flared up now. His eyes were wild. “Are you kidding me? Do you know what it’s like to look at him like that?”
“YES! Because I was there.”
“Back off this, Caden. I get it. You’re the older brother, but this is between me and Colton. It’s different.”
“How?” I wanted to shove him. It was wrong to do that. It was wrong to hit too, but I’d already hit one person tonight. “How’s it different? Because it’s you?”
“Stop.”
“Because it could’ve been you in that bed instead? In that hospital gown?”
“I said stop it.” A vein popped out from the side of his neck. “Stop, Caden.”
I stepped closer. “Those were your friends that day, Marcus.”
“Caden!” His voice rose an octave.
“Your friends.” My voice lowered. “Your face. The helmet was for you. They wanted to hit you, not Colton.”
“Shut up.”
“You got in a fight with them the day before. I heard all about it.”
“SHUT UP!” He shoved me.
I didn’t move. I was right there, right in his face. “Is that why you don’t go see him? Because they did that to hurt you?”
“They were his friends too.”
“No.” I shook my head. “They hung out with him, but they were your friends. Your pals. You raced with them every weekend. Your fight. It should’ve been you. That’s what you think, isn’t it? They hurt him to hurt you.”
He couldn’t talk. His chest heaved up and down. His shoulders were tight. He was close to breaking. I wanted to break him.
“Why were you at the hospital? Why didn’t you go to the room? Why, Marcus?”
“Because it should’ve been me!” he spat out.
I broke him.
“You’re right. Is that what you want to hear?! Yes! It should’ve been me. They wanted to hurt me, so they picked on him because—”
“Because?” I grabbed his shirt, forming two fists. “Because why? Say it.”
“Because he was weak.” He pushed me back, a hard, fast hit to my chest. “They chose him because he would do what they wanted. He put on that damn helmet. They knew it was defective. I was the one who told them that. Me! I told them about the helmet in the first place.”
His eyes shimmered with unshed tears. They pooled on his bottom lashes, but they didn’t fall. Not yet.
“It was my fault, Caden,” he choked out. “The whole thing was my fault. You got the truth. Is that what you wanted?”
“I wanted to know why you refuse to be there for your brother, when it’s obvious you want to be.”
“Well, there you go. Now you know. What are you going to do now?”
“Nothing.”
“What?” He laughed, weakly. “You’re not going to do a goddamn thing? After all of that?”
“There’s nothing to do except tell you you’re a moron.”
The tears fell then.
“What?” he asked.
“You didn’t give him the helmet. You didn’t tell Colton to put it on. You didn’t pick up the bat. You didn’t do any of those things.” I moved close, lowering my voice. “You didn’t swing. It wasn’t you.”
“Stop it, Caden.”
He started to turn away. I caught him and hauled him back. I wouldn’t let him, not when he needed to hear this. “It’s not your fault. It’s those assholes. It’s their fault. They chose to do it. They chose to hurt him. You didn’t choose that. Fucking hell, Marcus. I had no idea you thought all that.”
“Why wouldn’t I?!”
“Your face. That’s what I thought was the problem. That every time you look at him, you see yourself. You think it could’ve been you.” I paused. “That’s what I see. I see me. I see another life I could’ve had. I’m the one who fights. You race. I party and fight. Colton was the one who shone. He was the star, not you or me.”