Kevin had already hurt me, or I’d thought he had. But that hadn’t been real. It was empty. A game I had played with myself. This with Caden. This was real. What happened with this could shatter me.
A wall fell away as if I were seeing Caden for the first time.
It was Caden.
It was Caden…
“Oh, no.”
Caden frowned. That gorgeous face of his—shadowed at times, mysterious, elusive, but so beautiful and so addicting. Even his frown didn’t stop me from wanting to kiss him.
His head inched back. “You okay?”
“What?”
I was in love with Caden.
The realization was a bomb exploding inside of me. I knew there were feelings, but this… I wasn’t prepared for this. I couldn’t take a risk like this.
I loved Caden.
“What is it?” he asked again. “You’re starting to worry me, and that’s saying a lot. I’ve gotten used to your quirkiness.”
I fumbled out, “I just remembered Avery called earlier. I should check in with her. Make sure she’s okay with, you know, Marcus and all. He’s not being that nice to her.”
I was up and backing away.
“Summer.” Caden followed me to the door.
“I’m good. She texted me, but I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t really think.” I backed into the door. I reached for the doorknob. “I’m going to go find her.”
“I’m pretty sure they’re at the Homecoming bonfire tonight.”
“See? Exactly. She’s with him. I really need to find her now.”
“Summer,” he said again.
I opened the door and hurried out, yelling over my shoulder, “I’ll call you later.”
I didn’t hear his response. I was running. It was wrong, but I was acting on pure instinct. If he hurt me, I’d never come back from that.
“You’re coming Friday?”
“What?”
I was on the phone with Clarissa, and it took me the next second to realize what she was talking about. The road trip.
“Oh! Yes. The road trip in two weekends. Yes. Friday we’re coming.” Wait. Now the wheels were turning, and I remembered Caden saying something about Thursday. “No. We’re coming Thursday.” Or was it Saturday?
“Thursday? Okay. We can do that.”
I chewed my bottom lip. “It could be Saturday.”
I couldn’t remember. I’d have to call Caden and ask, and that would be awkward. I’d been avoiding him since Friday night, since I realized my feelings for him. I got out of there before he realized, or I hoped I had.
Caden was a great friend, and I knew he had fun with me, but he didn’t have feelings for me. I didn’t think… Caden wasn’t going to date me. He dated girls who were out of my league. He might kiss me, hold me, have sex with me—yes to all those—but date me and have real feelings for me?
It wasn’t going to happen, and I wasn’t about to make Caden into another Kevin. I wouldn’t let my daydreams and fantasies go off to Fairy Neverland this time. Nope. I wasn’t going to get carried away.
I already missed him.
Saturday and Sunday had been bleak. I’d spent Saturday afternoon with my dad and Sheila, but they’d headed home in the early evening. Apparently whatever they’d needed to work through on Friday wasn’t fully resolved.
After they left, I’d watched movies with some girls on my floor, and I studied all day in the library on Sunday with Shayla. I’d ordered a pizza with Avery that night. Pre-the big fucked-up emotions unveiling, I would’ve hung out both nights with Caden. I sighed just thinking about it.
He would’ve been going to a party. He would’ve asked me to go. I would’ve said no, and we would’ve hung out at his place instead. Sunday night might’ve been spent the same way. Nothing special, but everything that made me feel seen and important and like I belonged, because Caden was my people. He was mine.
I really missed him.
“Okay, what the hell is going on with you?”
“What?”
I could hear the scowl on Clarissa’s face through the phone. “We’ve been talking for an hour, and it’s like pulling teeth to get details from you. And you’re sighing like a damned train signaling it’s coming to a crossing. What the hell is going on? Don’t lie to me. We’ve been best friends since fifth grade. I will sic May on you if I don’t think you’re being straight with me.”
I shuddered. “Not May. Never May.”
“Well, then start spilling, Stoltz. This is bullshit. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.” I squeezed my eyes closed.
“It’s a guy.”