He blinked rapidly, then coughed to clear his throat. “Well…um…”
That was my answer. Those two stupid words were my answer.
The burning intensified, and I jerked, scooting away until my back hit the step behind me.
A week ago, I would still have been waiting for him to give me an answer. Things were different now. The unspoken told the truth, and I could hear that. I’d just been not listening for two entire years. Two fucking years.
I hung my head. “I’m so stupid.”
“What?”
“I’m so stupid.”
“Wait.” He started forward, his hand outstretched, but he paused.
I could see the thoughts crossing his face. What could he say? Nothing. That was the thing. If I was a mistake, he couldn’t tell me. I might tell his secret then, and if I wasn’t a mistake, it was too late. He was with someone else now. Right? It was one of those two choices.
Why was I trying to rationalize this for him?
After a moment he sighed and slid his hands into his front pockets. “I really love Maggie.”
There it was. That was his reason for everything. I’d just go with it, for now. “Okay.”
He stepped toward me. His voice grew clearer. “I know you’ve been here all week, and you’ve been alone. I would’ve called earlier or come to see you, but I needed to make sure Maggie was okay. You know what I mean?”
I didn’t, but my head bobbed up and down anyway.
“You understand?”
Not in the slightest, but again, I was nodding. Apparently I still had some wallflower in me.
“Good.” He sounded so relieved. “I was kinda worried. Your floor advisor has history with Maggie. I didn’t know—”
“Avery told me she’s friends with Maggie.”
He went still. “Oh. So you’ve talked about me and Maggie with Avery?”
“She knows our parents are married.”
“Oh.” He sounded surprised now. “You told her about me.”
“She knew, but—” My mouth was suddenly dry, and my palms were sweaty. I rubbed them together. “Why wouldn’t I?” What is going on here? “Am I not supposed to tell people?”
“About you and me?” he asked.
I leaned forward. Did he mean…
He continued, pointing between us, “That we’re stepsiblings, right? Everyone has to know my goddamn business. I don’t really know why you’re talking about me at all.” His hands went back into his pockets. He rocked back on his heels. “Besides, we were more housemates, really. That was it.”
I knew this, but still felt slapped in the face. “Housemates.”
“Yeah. I mean, yeah.” He frowned, acting like he was so confused. “I didn’t even know you before our parents got married. And that one year we lived together, I was barely around, and you were always in your bedroom. We never got close. Then last year I was hardly home. Like, ever.”
Except for that one night, I added silently. When you went out to a graduation party with my friends and me. When you got drunk with me. When we went home and kissed, and did more than I want to think about right now. You were hardly home, except for that one night.
I looked down. “I see.”
He coughed again, his feet shuffling on the sidewalk. “And I really love Maggie. I really do, but you see, she’s with that Marcus guy for now, and Marcus comes from a big-name family around here. His dad is a legacy legend in the fraternity, and even though Marcus isn’t a member, his brother Caden is one of my brothers. It’s just sticky. If they ever find out what you really saw that night—”
I started laughing. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe it was wrong, but it began to bubble up inside me, and I couldn’t stop. The joke was on me, but it was on him, too. He didn’t think people knew. Everyone knew!
“What?”
I shook my head, still laughing. My shoulders started to shake. “Nothing. It’s—” More laughter. “Nothing. I’m sorry.”
But I couldn’t stop, and he glared at me, anger evident in his eyes.
After a few more beats, I was able to calm myself. “Is this what you did in high school? Do you really think you’re not going to get caught? You don’t realize everyone already knows?”
“What do you mean?”
“You date a girl, then at the five-month mark, you get bored. You start looking around for a new girl. Then you date both girls, thinking the girlfriend won’t know, but she always does. It’s always a nasty break-up. Everyone knew about it at school—”
“They did?”
“Yeah. And I’m sure you thought you were in love with them too, just like Maggie now. But Kevin, are you serious? People know. You brought her to the restaurant.”