Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 14. Danse Macabre(74)
I took those last few steps to the sink, and looked down. Two lines, two fucking lines. The world swam, and I had to grab on to the sink edge to keep from sliding to one side. All I could hear was my own blood roaring in my ears. I was not going to faint, damn it. I was not going to faint.
I lowered myself to my knees, still clinging to the cabinet edges. I put my face against my arm, and waited for the dizziness to pass. Fuck.
When I thought I could do it without feeling worse, I raised my head up. The room didn't swim. Good. But I wasn't at all sure I trusted myself to walk to the door. I hated it, but apparently my body had decided that it just wasn't working yet. I could either sit on the floor until I felt less weak-legged, or I could yell for help.
I knew the men were almost as tense about it as I was, so waiting seemed cruel, or maybe it wasn't cruel. They had a few minutes more of believing the worst hadn't happened. I hated to treat the miracle of life like a disaster but that's how it felt.
I finally called, in a voice that almost sounded like mine, «Claudia.»
She tapped the door, and said, «Do you want me in there?»
«Yes,» I said.
She came through, and one look at me on the floor made her close the door behind her. She walked to me, looked down at the test, and said with real feeling, «Well, shit.»
«Yeah,» I said.
«Who do you want to tell first?»
I shook my head and leaned back against the cabinets. «No one.»
She gave me a look.
«I can't call them in one at a time; Richard will get pissed, or someone else will. I have to go out to them.»
She gazed around the room. «They'd all fit in here, barely.»
I tucked my knees up tight and held on. «Jesus, Claudia. Jesus.»
She knelt beside me. Her face was so sympathetic that I had to look away. My eyes were starting to burn, my throat to tighten. «Help me do this before I start to cry.»
«What can I do to help?» she asked.
«Help me stand.»
She took my offered hand and raised me effortlessly to my feet. She kept a hand on my elbow to steady me, as if she knew I needed it. I didn't argue. We made it to the door that way, then I took my arm back, and opened the door.
I thought I had my face under control, but I must have been wrong, because they all reacted to it. Only Jean-Claude and Asher showed nothing, but their lack of reaction was reaction enough.
Micah and Richard reached me first, at almost the same time. They looked at each other, and Micah bowed out, let the other man touch me first. It was good of him, but I'd have preferred to hug him, since I was almost certain Richard would say something to make me feel worse.
He half-hugged me, so he could hold me, and still see my face. «It's a yes?»
I nodded, because I didn't trust my voice. My throat was so tight it hurt, as if I were choking.
He hugged me, and picked me up, and spun me around. When I could move my face back enough to see his, he was beaming at me. Beaming at me. He was happy! Happy about it!
«Don't you dare be happy about this,» I said.
His smile began to fade around the edges.
Jean-Claude said, «Would you prefer he was unhappy about it?»
Richard put me down, while I looked at the other man. I glanced back up at Richard, who didn't look happy now at all. What would I have done if he had been angry, or sad, about me being pregnant?
I hung my head, resting the top of my head against Richard's chest. «I'm sorry, Richard, I'm sorry. I'm glad someone is happy about it.»
He touched my face, raised it so I had to look at him. «I can't be unhappy about this, Anita. I can't. If we made a baby…«He shrugged, and his eyes were full of happiness, worry, so many emotions.
«What do you want us to say, ma petite? If we are not to be happy, then what do you wish?»
I pulled away from Richard. I just couldn't be happy and his being happy bugged me. «I don't know, just be what you feel, I guess.»
Micah touched my arm. «I'm sorry you're unhappy about it.»
I smiled at him, and the fact that I could smile at anything was probably a good sign. «How do you feel about it?»
He smiled. «I love you. How could I not love a little piece of you running around?»
I shook my head. «Don't you feel cheated? I mean, it can't be yours.»
He shrugged. «I knew I gave up children of my own when I had the vasectomy.»
«Why did you have yourself fixed?» Richard asked. «You're not thirty yet, why would you do that to yourself?»
Micah wrapped his arms around me, held me close. «My old alpha, Chimera, liked pregnant shapeshifters. If one of the women came up pregnant by someone else, someone she cared for, Chimera would take her until she lost the baby. He got off on taking her from her lover, from fucking her while she was pregnant with someone else's child, and from her losing it.»