«Jesus, Richard,» I said, «you're still trying to take away my life. To take away what makes me who I am. You love me, but not who I am. You love who you want me to be.»
«Isn't that what you want from me?» he said. «Don't you want me to change who I am, too?»
I started to say no, then stopped myself. I thought about it. Was I asking him to change as much as he was asking me? «I want you to embrace the life you already have, and be happy in it, Richard. You want me to totally change my life, and try to fit in some white-picket-fence picture that doesn't match your life, or mine.»
«I am so sick of you accusing me of wanting to put you behind a white picket fence.»
«I may be pregnant, and suddenly you want me to marry you, and give up being a federal agent. We aren't even sure there is a baby, and you're already trying to impose your idea of what our life should be on me.»
«Could you really keep working on serial killer cases, and killing monsters, after you have a baby?»
I stared at him. «What do you think having a baby will do to me, Richard? Do you think just because I have a baby I'll become this other person? This softer, gentler person? Is that what you think?»
«May I add something to this discussion?» Samuel asked.
Richard and I said no; Jean-Claude said yes. Samuel ignored us and did what Jean-Claude said.
«If my wife is any example of having children in these rather extraordinary circumstances, then softer is not what will happen. Thea was gentle with the children. There was indeed a new softness that I had never seen, but with everyone else…«He shook his head. «I had never seen her so ruthless as after Sampson was born. She was more determined than ever to make our base of power strong and secure. Any threat to us was destroyed immediately. Even with the help of servants she insisted on caring for him herself, and with the feedings, well» — he shrugged with hands up — «having to wake every two hours to breast-feed meant very little sleep. Lack of sleep makes anyone's temper worse, and makes the most expedient solution look good.»
I was thinking, Breast-feeding? Oh, no, so not my gig.
Richard said, «You're saying that to make me feel what — worse, better?»
«Ask someone you trust then,» Samuel said. «Ask a woman how exhausting and overwhelming a new baby can be. I have three children, two of them twins. I did what many fathers do when they have children later in life; I did more of the baby care with the twins than I did with Sampson. My power base was more secure, and there was less… business to occupy me. I think I had been too exposed to modern America. I had this odd idea that I should be very involved with the twins. It gave me a new respect for what Thea went through with Sampson, when I was more occupied with business. A child is a great blessing» — he patted his son's leg when he said it — "but like other great blessings, they require a great deal of time, attention, and energy.»
I shook my head, waving my hands in the air as if to erase all of this. «I can't deal with this now. We've got to change topic, at least until I take the test and find out for sure. If the test's positive then we can talk, but until we know for sure, this topic is closed.»
«You can't just change the topic,» Richard said.
«Yes,» Jean-Claude said, «she can.»
«What if I don't want to change the topic?» Again I got the impression that Richard was spoiling for a fight.
Micah finally said something. «Anita is only asking to change the topic until we know for sure, Richard. That makes sense.»
«You stay out of this!» Richard yelled it at him.
«Don't yell at Micah!» I yelled at him.
«I'll yell at whoever I want to yell at,» he yelled.
Claudia yelled us both to silence. A huge, deep sound that made us all look at her. «Are your hurt feelings the only thing that matters here, Ulfric?» She shook her head. «Nathaniel's right, you'd piss on her if you could, if that would make her yours and yours alone.»
He growled and took a step toward her.
«No,» Jean-Claude said, «no, Richard.»
«Are you picking a fight with him?» Micah asked. He sounded puzzled. He was right, it wasn't like Claudia to start the fight. She'd finish the fight, but not start it.
She actually looked at the floor. I think she was counting to ten. «I don't want to start a fight with anyone, but I'm tired of the attitude.»
«What attitude?» I asked.
She pointed at Richard. «His attitude.»
She wasn't the only one, but out loud, I said, «I don't think your starting a fight with Richard will make me feel better.»