Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 14. Danse Macabre(223)
«You're right, I should be furious with you. And you're right that I've kicked men out of my life for a hell of a lot less than this.»
The anger leaked away, and that numbing depression rolled over him again. It was like watching the light fade from him. «Did you ask me to sit so you could grind the knife in deeper?»
«If I want to grind a knife in, you'll know it. I'm just trying to talk.» I had to cough to clear my voice. «Is there water?»
Asher looked around the room. It was Remus who found a pitcher of water and a little cup. He poured it, then hesitated, and finally handed it to Asher. The two men had a moment where you could almost feel the battle of wills, then Asher finally took the cup, and came to the bed. He would not look at me as he offered the water with a little bendy straw in it.
The water tasted stale, but it was cool, and felt wonderful in my mouth and throat. I raised my untaped arm to help hold the cup. My fingers brushed Asher's hand. He jumped, as if it had hurt, but I knew it hadn't hurt. «Have I spilled water on you?»
«No, just a little on the sheets.»
«You are the only woman except Belle who has ever made me feel clumsy.»
Ixion was there with a handkerchief. Asher took it and dabbed at the few spots he'd gotten on the sheets.
«Is that a compliment, or an insult?» I asked. My voice sounded better, less hoarse. It made me wonder how long I'd been unconscious. I didn't ask, because if it had been a long time, then Asher would feel worse, and I'd be more scared. I let it go.
He finished trying to soak the water up, handing the handkerchief back as if he expected Ixion to simply be there to take it. He was, and he did, but the offhand quality of the gesture made me wonder again how long had I been out. «It is neither, just the truth. You have made me feel awkward from the moment I met you.»
«I tend to have that effect on ladies' men.»
He looked at me then. I tried to read his expression and failed. «I am a ladies' man, am I?»
«Belle Morte made certain that all of you were good with the ladies.»
«And the men. Do not forget, Anita, she made certain we knew how to pleasure men, as well.»
I nodded, and stopped, because the bandages pinched. «I've grasped that concept, thanks.»
«But you are not happy with it.»
«More puzzled by it.»
He smoothed the sheets where he'd dampened them. I think he was looking for anything to fuss over, rather than what we were doing. I'd never seen him this uncomfortable.
I did what I'd wanted to do since he walked into the room. I laid my hand on his. He went very, very still under my touch. That awful, unnatural stillness, where it feels like you're not touching anything alive. He went away from my touch, but I kept my hand on his. If he thought a little weird vampire shit would make me move, he was wrong.
«Anita,» and his voice tried to be as empty as his body, but failed.
«I'm not afraid because you almost killed me. I'm afraid because you almost killed me, and I still want to touch you.»
He drew his hand out of mine. He sat down, but he would at least look at me now. «I have rolled your mind, completely and utterly. I have done what you feared that I would do.»
«And don't you want to touch me?»
«Yes.» He whispered it.
«You were the first one to realize that just biting me helps me gain control over a vamp. I don't think it's just you who's rolled me.»
«Are you saying you have gained control of me?»
«I'm not sure what I'm saying. I just know that I don't want you gone. I don't want you to never touch me again. I want us to be together. Beyond that, I don't know.»
«Together in what way, Anita?»
«We'll just need a spotter,» I said.
«A spotter, what are you talking about?»
«A spotter, like you have in gymnastics. Sex with you is so good we need spotters.»
«So dangerous, you mean,» he said, and he stared at his hands where they lay loose in his lap.
«I'd do it again, Asher.»
He looked up then, and it wasn't a happy look. «Do you really mean that?»
«Yes.»
«That should frighten you, and me.»
«It does scare me, but it doesn't really scare you, does it?»
«I'm terrified for your safety, but…»
«You've been a very good boy, haven't you?» I asked.
«What do you mean?»
I had one of those moments of seeing so deep into another person that it makes the rest of the world seem unsteady for a moment. It wasn't vampire powers, or necromancy, it was just a moment of insight so bright and painful that I couldn't look away. «Look me in the eye, Asher, and tell me that you've never done what you did with me before, and had the woman not survive it?»