Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 14. Danse Macabre(179)
Jean-Claude actually managed to look humble. «Perhaps not.»
41
«WHAT DO YOU mean, I was about to bind Requiem to me forever?» We were having our super-secret meeting in the hallway. It was empty, and I didn't want to walk all the way back to Jean-Claude's room.
«I have tried to teach you different ways to feed, ma petite, and you have learned well.»
I could have argued that, but I let it go. «Just explain what you said, Jean-Claude. You don't have to protect my ego, just say it.»
«You have fed on Requiem, but always before you were holding back, or I was so deeply enmeshed with you when you did it, that I was in some way controlling what happened.»
I nodded. «And?»
«It is possible to know the innermost desire of a person. The ardeur can give you a glimpse into his soul.»
«I know that, it happens a lot.»
He shook his head. «But that is exactly the point, ma petite, it should not happen a lot.»
«But it does; that's how the ardeur works when I feed completely.»
He shook his head again. «Non, ma petite, it is not necessary to know someone's heart's desire to feed completely.»
«It makes a better feeding, more energy, if you know their deepest wish and give it to them.»
He nodded. «Oui, but what is the rule for all the gifts of my bloodline?»
I frowned at him. «I don't… oh, that they're two-edged swords. All of Belle's powers cut both ways.»
«Oui.»
I was still staring at him. «If you have a point to make, please make it, because if that was a hint, I don't get it.»
«When you first met Micah, what did you need in your life?»
«Stop trying to make me reason this through, Jean-Claude, just tell me.»
«You will not like it,» he said.
«I'm getting that impression, but remember I'm a jerk-the-Band-Aid-off kind of girl. Just tell me.»
«You needed help with the wereleopards, and with all the other shapeshifters that you were beginning to try to help. It was your willingness to help many kinds of shapeshifters that laid the groundwork for our so-lovely coalition. You yourself said that so much that was wrong with the lycanthrope community could be fixed if they would only talk to each other.»
«I remember all this, so what?»
«You needed a man in your life who simply said yes, instead of arguing with you or running his own agenda. You needed someone to put your needs first.» He looked at me, as if he'd been very clear. It wasn't clear to me.
«Doesn't everyone?» I said.
«I think I get it,» Micah said, softly.
I turned to him. «Then tell me.»
«My heart's desire was safety for my people, and a partner powerful enough, passionate enough, to help me save them. We both got what we wanted most, out of each other.»
I frowned, trying to think, then said slowly, «Are you saying that I caused Micah to be everything I needed him to be?» I looked at Jean-Claude. «Are you saying that even now, he's like under my power? That that's why he never argues with me? That he's under a spell?» I looked back at Micah, to see if his face was as horrified as mine felt.
He looked the same as ever, calm, ready to do what was needed. So practical, so… so everything I needed in a man. Shit.
He smiled at me. «Don't look so horrified, Anita.»
«Do you normally argue more than this?»
He shook his head. «I was always pretty easygoing, and years trapped in Chimera's group took care of most of my rebellion. It was too expensive to the people around me to be a smart-ass.»
«Is everything we have just vampire tricks, except I'm the vampire? Is it all a lie?»
«This was the reaction I feared you would have,» Jean-Claude said.
«What reaction am I supposed to have?» I asked, and it was almost a yell.
«You missed part of his point,» Micah said.
«What part?»
«If the ardeur made me into your perfect mate, then it made you into mine. It's a double-edged sword, remember.»
Was I under a spell? My own spell? It was too complicated for me. I turned back to Jean-Claude. «I don't understand this. I mean, if this is true, then how could we not have noticed?»
«But, ma petite, you did notice. Your Nimir-Raj is the first man you have ever had sex with on first meeting. He is the first man you have ever allowed yourself not to push away, is he not?»
I wanted to argue, and I couldn't. Damn it, but I couldn't. «Shit,» I said.
I turned, and looked at Nathaniel. He gave me a gentle smile, like you'd give someone in the doctor's office who just got bad news.