«What's that supposed to mean?» I'd asked.
«I think you'll be able to feed the ardeur from them without full sexual contact. If I understand how the ardeur works, it's only dominance and power that keeps you from feeding from a kiss.»
«That's the theory,» I said.
They all seemed soft and unfinished and too fragile for my life, but I chose two of them. Travis and Noel; blondish and brunette respectively. Travis was a business major and Noel an English major. Noel wore glasses and had a test Monday. He'd brought books to study. Travis just brought himself.
Noel was reading for his test and ignoring everything around him. Travis was watching everything with those pale brown eyes of his. He watched the way cops watch, as if he were memorizing everything. He seemed particularly interested in Richard.
My bodyguard shift had changed over, so Claudia and Lisandro were in the far corner near the door, doing that bodyguard casual that was almost a slump, but not quite. If either of them had ever been military or police, it never showed. They were just bad-asses, and that was enough. There were two more guards outside the room, by the door, which Dr. North had objected to, but Claudia had looked at him hard, and he'd okayed it. One of the guards outside the door was Graham, the other a werehyena that I didn't know. Ixion was his name, though he said it like he hated it, and hadn't had it long. Narcissus had more fun than he should have, passing out names to some of his new men. Ixion was so ex-military that he still had the haircut, and looked uncomfortable in civilian clothes.
We didn't really need four bodyguards, but it was the only way Claudia could see to get us a wolf who would shift for me at the hospital if I needed it, without letting Richard know that none of us trusted him to take my beast in an emergency. Graham was my wolf in the hole, so to speak, and Ixion got to come along because Claudia preferred all the guards to be in pairs. If we were pretending, we had to make it good pretend.
«You're going to wear yourself out, Anita,» Richard said.
«Then I'll wear myself out,» I snapped, and knew that I snapped, and didn't have nerves left to care.
He pushed away from the wall, and walked toward me. He reached out, as if he'd hug me, or comfort me.
«Don't,» I said, and kept walking until the window made me stop and turn around.
«I just want to help, Anita,» he said.
«Pacing helps,» I said, not looking at him. Why couldn't he understand that I just wanted to be left the fuck alone? Micah understood it. Nathaniel had wanted to come, but shapeshifting so early had exhausted him. Once you hit animal form you usually spend between six and eight hours in it; if you shift back early it comes with a price. If he was going to be any good tonight he needed rest. I'd left him tucked in with Damian, so they could both feel better before nightfall.
Richard touched my shoulder as I went past. I jerked away from him and kept on walking. If we could have figured out a way to bring Damian with me, we would have. He helped me be calm, and I needed it. But vampires do not travel well in daylight.
«If you don't calm down,» Richard said, «you may call your beast. You don't want that, not here.»
I stopped and glared at him. «It would take care of the problem though, wouldn't it?»
«You don't mean that,» he said.
«The hell I don't.»
«Ulfric.» It was Travis, from his corner of the wall.
Richard turned to him.
«Ulfric, she's burning off her nervous energy by pacing.»
«I know that,» Richard said in a less than friendly voice.
«If you make her stop pacing, then where will the energy go?»
Richard opened his mouth, shut it, and nodded. «You've made your point. I guess it's making me nervous to watch her pace.»
«Then don't watch,» Travis said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
Richard drew a deep breath, and said, «I'm going to get some air. I'll be right outside, I promise.»
I paused in the pacing to say, «I know you will.»
He nodded, and he walked out. When the door was shut behind him, Travis said, «Thank God. One of you that nervous is enough for a room this size.»
I looked at him. «Is Richard that nervous?»
Micah laughed. «Yes.»
I hugged my arms tight. «I guess I'm so nervous that I didn't notice.»
«You're entitled to be nervous,» Claudia said from near the door.
I nodded, but not like I believed it. There was a knock on the door. I jumped, and turned toward the door, my fingers digging into my own arms. I wasn't hugging myself now, I was clinging, as if my fingernails were digging into that last piece of rock ledge before you fall screaming into the abyss.