He uncrossed his arms, and touched my face. «So sincere, ma petite. What has come over you?»
I thought about that, then said it, out loud. «I'm scared.»
«Of what?»
I put my hand on his, pressing his touch against my face. «Of failing us all, just because I didn't want something to be true.»
«Ma petite, that is not it, not entirely.»
I looked away from those suddenly knowing eyes of his. «I think it's the baby thing.» I made myself meet his eyes. The gentleness in them was both easier to meet and harder. «If we really are going to do this, keep the baby, then we have to make this work. We have to make it all work. I don't have the luxury of being a pain in the ass, if it's going to get us hurt.»
«You find out but hours ago, and you are suddenly more willing to compromise.» He looked at me, considering, serious, tender, all mixed together. «I am told that pregnancy changes a woman, but so quick as this?»
«Maybe I just needed a wake-up call.»
«Wake up to what, ma petite?»
«I keep telling Richard I've accepted my life, but he's right, I'm still hiding from parts of it. You» — and I looked at Asher then — «are all still tiptoeing around me afraid of what I'll do, aren't you?» I turned back to Jean-Claude. «Aren't you?»
«You have taught us caution, ma petite.» He tried to hug me, but I stepped away.
«Don't comfort me, Jean-Claude, talk to me.»
He sighed. «You do realize, ma petite, that these demands for complete honesty that come over you from time to time are another way of being a pain in the ass?»
I had to smile. «No, I hadn't realized that. I thought this was being reasonable.»
«Non, ma petite, this is not being reasonable. This is another way of being very demanding.»
«Well, hell, then tell me what to do, because I don't know how to be anything else.»
«You are a high-maintenance item, as they say, ma petite. But I knew that before we became a couple.»
«You're saying, you knew what you were getting into.»
He nodded. «As much as any man can when he decides to love a woman. There are always mysteries and surprises in every love affair. But, yes, I had some idea what I was getting myself into. I did it willingly, eagerly.»
«The difficulties were outweighed by what, the power you might gain?»
He frowned at me. «See, already you grow angry. You do not want truth, ma petite. You do not want lies either. You leave us all with no clue to what will take us safely through your rocky shoals.»
«I've never heard you use a sea metaphor before.»
«Perhaps seeing Samuel reminded me of my voyage to this fair land.»
«Perhaps,» I said, and even to me it sounded suspicious.
Asher made a sound low in his throat. «You seek a reason to be angry, so you can blame us, and run.»
«Like Richard was trying to pick a fight earlier,» I said.
Asher nodded.
I thought about that for a second or two. «It's not that Richard and I are too different, we're too much alike.»
Jean-Claude gave me a look, like I'd finally come to something he'd understood long ago. «Too much alike in many ways, but you have compromised more, and your very alikeness in character makes him keep trying to force you to make the same decisions he has made. He sees the echo of himself in you, and understands even less why you do not see his rightness in all things.»
«And it's maybe why he frustrates me, too. He's enough like me, so why can't he make the decisions I've made?»
«Oui, ma petite, I believe that is part of your immense anger toward each other.»
«He's right, I'm trying to make him into something he's not, and he's trying to do the same to me. Shit.»
«What, ma petite?»
«I hate being this slow about something that feels so obvious.»
«It is only obvious once you have thought of it,» he said.
«I'm not sure that makes sense, but okay, fine. I'm not saying I'll like hearing it, but tell me why you're so worried about Asher using his gaze on me.»
«I'll answer this one,» Asher said. He came to me, his robe still open over his body. It took more concentration than I'd have admitted out loud to give him eye contact and not look lower. «If I can capture you with my gaze, we are both afraid you will exile me from your bed. Your bed, and Jean-Claude's.»
«I'm not in charge of Jean-Claude's bed. You and he sleep together in your bed whenever I sleep by day in his bed.»
The two men exchanged a look I couldn't read. I touched Asher's arm, brought his attention back to me. «What is it?»