As for Jax? Not even a blip on my radar…
The twins aren’t around as often these days. Johnny finally managed to get me to leave my bedroom a few days ago. He wanted me to train and work out instead of sitting holed up all day. All the training Johnny gave me previously didn’t do shit when Drake was holding me down that night. He was too strong and powerful for me to even think I could over power him let alone physically do it.
I don’t know why Johnny can’t see that when a weak human like me comes across a big bad wolf, a few kicks here and a couple slaps there don’t amount to shit. But I don’t tell him that because he seems to enjoy spending time with me, teaching me all the self-defence techniques that may work perfectly on a human but flat out fail against a possessive angry he-wolf; most probably a she-wolf too.
The only thing I can really rely on when it comes to defending myself is the supposed white magic that’s hidden within me, even though it doesn’t seem so pure when I’m squeezing the life out of another. But I’ll stick to the term white magic because I don’t know what the hell to call it.
I heard Alex talking to Johnny today about Talon and Tyler’s girlfriend’s. I wasn’t aware they were even dating, but why would I when we haven’t spoken in weeks. I guess I deserve the hurt I feel and the tears that fall when I hear about how much Alex doesn’t like the new girls; despite the boys falling hard for them.
This is what I wanted after all, wasn’t it? I mean… I did push them away. I suppose I just didn’t realise what it would feel like when I finally pushed them away for good. I’m just glad I don’t have to see these girls as they don’t seem to bring them to the pack house.
I know I love Talon and Tyler. Deep down, despite the jealously within me, I want them to be happy. Since I’ve only brought them trouble since I’ve arrived, I’m hoping their girlfriend’s are everything they deserve. I don’t like to think about it though. I don’t want to think about them with someone else and I certainly don’t want to talk about it, it causes a pain in my chest and makes me question every choice I’ve made when it comes to Drake.
My nerves have gotten the best of me these last few days anticipating my birthday. I’m so afraid of what will happen. Will I even shift? And if I do, will I survive it?
The twins have started to act a little strangely too, these last few days. They’ve been hanging around the house, maybe they’re also worried I won’t survive the shift so they’re trying to see me as much as they can; just in case… Just in case I don’t make it.
They don’t speak to me and they’re always a safe distance away, but I can feel their eyes on me wherever I go. Strange as it may sound, it comforts me that they still, in some weird way, care about me; even after I blatantly shut them out. I miss them terribly but I can’t bring myself to talk to them, getting close to them again just in case Drake finds out. I need to keep my distance.
I haven’t heard a word from Georgina and I haven’t bothered to ask Frankie how she’s doing either.
When she’s ready she will contact me… well that’s what I’m hoping for.
She and I have a lot to discuss if we ever want to mend our broken relationship. I will always love her and see her as a mother; even if she isn’t my biological one. Before we can repair broken bridges though, we need to figure out if that bridge can carry the weight of baggage that lies between us, to see if we can let it all go, if it’s even possibility.
Can it ever become water under the bridge?
Chapter 3
The Present Day
I look ahead of me, seeing the moons reflection shining off the lake through the trees. I roll to my side not caring about the dirt beneath me as I pull my shoes off. I need to cool down and hopefully the lake will do just that. I manage to get onto my two feet. I’m hunched over, leaning against the rough bark on the tree, my hand resting on my chest over my heart.
I’ve never had this reaction to the white magic before, I don’t know what’s happening to me. My entire body is on fire and I’m in so much pain. I’m a few feet away from a clearing that leads to the lake, but I just can’t make myself move any further. I fall to the ground again, lying on my side as the sand sticks to my wet skin.
Just a little further… I need to get to the water…
I dig my hands into the dirt and start pulling myself closer and closer towards the glistening water. My vision loses focus and all I can hear is the whistling of the wind through the woods. I cover my ears to stop the white noise, pulling my knees up to my stomach as I lay in a fetal position screaming out for the incessant noise of the wind to stop.