What the hell is happening to me?
Chapter 2:
Three Months Ago
I’ve been home for a week since Drake attacked me, leaving me behind in this town to find someone that can help him control his wolf, Sebastien. My feelings are all fucked up and all I want right now is to be left alone.
I can’t even use the term moody to describe the temperamental attitude I’ve had since I found myself in this situation.
I’ve been absolutely miserable, I don’t know how to fix it and I don’t know if I even want to.
Everyone wants to know what happened at Point Bright, but I refuse to speak about it. I will not get any more people involved when it comes to my problems.
The bruises and scratches healed eventually, but my lower back and ass are permanently scarred. Drake marred my pale skin with ugly pink marks when he whipped me. I’ve been thinking about getting some ink to cover the ugly scars he left behind because no amount of vitamin E oil will repair the skin; I’m not even sure I want them gone… it’s a reminder to never second guess myself again.
I should have listened to my gut the first time Drake slammed me up against a door. I knew I should have broken up with him, but I didn’t. It’s entirely my fault, no amount of what-ifs will heal all the wounds he engraved into my flesh. That’s something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I could have prevented it…
After refusing to let the twins into my bed since the day Alex found me all bruised up, and after continuously pushing the them away, they began putting distance between us. At the time it was what I needed, I had no idea what that void would do to our relationship in the future.
I barely allow Alex and Johnny to touch me, so there’s no way in hell I can even envisage the twins hands on me. I guess Drake got what he wanted after all. I can’t even think about Talon and Tyler without going into a full blown panic attack.
Sometimes I find myself waking up in a cold sweat all because I dreamt about that night I kissed the twins; I’m so afraid Drake will find out about my dreams. I’m constantly looking around, scared he’s lurking around a corner ready to jump me for thinking about anyone other than him.
There isn’t a minute, hell, every second I’m thinking about the threat he made to hurt the all the people I love. His words “No more Alex… No more Johnny…” linger in the back of my mind, giving me the chills… and not the good kind either.
I love the twin’s and my parents more than I cherish my own life at this point, the thought of Drake harming any of them causes a twisted pain in my chest.
In the beginning, the twins tried talking me into leaving my room, but I just couldn’t physically do it; too afraid to abandon my little safe haven. If it wasn’t for Alex and Johnny coming into my room and force feeding me every day the first two weeks, I would have most probably starved.
I was so mad at Drake: 1 - for what he did to me and 2 - for leaving me behind and running away like so many in my life have done before him; especially after he was the one to hurt me. Deep down I know he didn’t run away, he left to get help and subconsciously I have a little respect for him for doing it. If anything, I’m mostly disappointed in myself for allowing him to hurt me the way he did, running to him just two days later and begging him to stay like a love sick puppy. I was in panic mode and all I could think of in that moment was, another one bites the dust…
First it was James who left me, then Georgina with her downward spiral, Jax was next and when I saw Drake packing his bag and I panicked.
I know it’s fucked up but I miss him; Drake that is. Maybe I miss the Drake I had before Sebastian became so dominant within him or maybe I’m trying to force myself to love him because I’m kinda stuck with him. I know what the consequences will be if I leave him and I will not have anyone hurt because of me. I’ve already messed up so much and broken many friendships because of it, I’m just one big fucking mess.
As the weeks progressed, the twins slowly but surely started avoiding me. I saw Drake a few times and even though I was petrified, he managed to calm me. He looked well and seemed really happy, which weirdly made me feel better and less worried the more I was around him; it made me believe my old Drake was back.
He was gentle and sweet and made me feel loved and not so alone. He apologised constantly and asked me if I loved him about ten times a day, as if to reassure himself. After a while I even started believing the lie myself.
I mended my relationship with Ronny and Chloe and even though things are still a bit awkward between us, I know they still love me and I love them; possibly even more so now, knowing they stuck around even after all I had put them through.