Angel Blackwood(11)

“The pain of rejection, worst pain ever huh?” He says.

I cringe remembering it. “I will never forget that pain. I think it was almost as bad as turning for the first time. I really thought I was going to die.”

“And the worst part is, everything inside of you is telling you to fight the pain, to not give in, but the only way to stop the pain is to accept the rejection. Pretty fucked up I’d say.” He looks down at me giving me a sad smile.

“I really wanted to fight it, show him that I’m not just some weak human, but it just hurt too much. I needed to get away from him before I started grovelling at his feet and embarrassing myself. I came running here thinking I’d be safe since this is my happy place, then I run smack-bang into my second chance mates. Now it’s only a matter of time before they reject me too.” I lean my head back against the trunk of the tree letting out a deep frustrated breath.

“I think Jax is a tool for rejecting you. You’re a good person, Angel. I bet he’s already regretting his decision.” He gives me a friendly smile and then frowns. I can tell he’s going over what I just said in his head.

“Wait! You found your second chance mate already? He’s here? In this pack? Why the hell would he reject you?” He moves away from the tree turning to face me fully, all tense and serious looking.

“They’re here Nixon. They have girlfriends and unlike Drake, they’re trying to make it work with them until they figure out what to do about me being their mate.” Letting out a deep breath I sigh. “I guess if the roles were reversed I would’ve wanted my boyfriend to at least try to stick it out for me; especially after all the shit he put me through. Jesus, I need to stop thinking of the entire Drake situation, I’m lucky I got out of there alive,” I say the last part out loud and as soon as I see Nixon’s confused expression I quickly continue. “I have so much running through my head now that I’m on the receiving end of my mate’s nastiness. I just don’t know what to do about them or how I should feel. Too much shit has happended this past 24 hours.” My shoulders slump.

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“Sad, hurt, angry...broken?” I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them.

Nixon growls, “Talon and Tyler right?”

I nod my head.

“You have two mates, Angel. Do you realise how rare that is? And those fools are wasting their time when they could be with you? You don’t deserve this; no one does! Maybe you should speak to them and tell them what happened with Jax and Drake. For all you know they may still think you’re with Drake? Maybe they’re under the impression that they’re the first mates that Fate chose for you; that you still have a second chance mate out there?”

“No way, Nixon! Petty as it sounds, I don’t want the reason they accept me to be because they’re my last chance at having a mate that the Fates choose. I don’t want that, Nixon. I want them to choose me because they want to be with me. I don’t need them to choose me out of guilt, realising later that they’ve made a huge mistake accepting me when they were really in love with their current girlfriends.” I let out another deep breath knowing it’s going to hurt to say this out loud, but it’s the truth and it’s exactly how I feel.

“They deserve happiness too. You don’t know how much shit I’ve put them through. I just want them to be happy. I love them enough to give them that. I’ll tell them everything I promise; just not right now… I can’t do it. I need to stay away from them for a little while, clear my head. My brain turns all mushy when I’m near them.”

“It’s hard right? You feel so drawn to them and all they seem to do is push you away,” he says reminiscing.

“I really don’t know how they do it. They can be so mean to me, but I still want to jump them every time I’m near one of them. I don’t know what the hell to do?” I huff.

He chuckles and I frown. “Nixon, this really isn’t a laughing matter!”

He puts his hands up still laughing. I push him playfully, giving out a small laugh which feels kinda good considering the situation. “I’m sorry, Angel, but they obviously haven’t thought this through.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, what’s going to happen when you go on heat?” He asks raising an eyebrow.

“What? What do you mean, heat? No one said anything about being on heat?” I raise my voice in a panic. This makes Nixon fall onto his back on the grassy earth laughing hysterically. Faith starts giggling inside my head too.