I swallow. "Ava."
"Lucas."
Her gaze drops to the pot cradled in my arm. She raises her eyes back to my face. She doesn't invite me in. Instead, she steps out and closes the door.
"Nothing?"
That single word guts me.
Blood roars in my ears, and I can't stop the horrible, nasty feelings from gelling in my gut like milk gone sour. "Ava, I did everything. I talked with my gardener and I did everything I could. You have to believe me."
"It doesn't matter what I believe."
What the fuck? "Of course it matters! It matters to me. It matters that you believe in me, have faith in me." Her face is closing; she's shutting me out. Panic spikes. "If you can't give me the five minutes because nothing grew, then give me another chance. I swear to you-"
"Nothing was going to grow."
It takes me a moment to process what she just said. "What?"
"There's nothing but dirt in the pot."
I shake my head, feeling like I'm in some kind of dream. "So I was supposed to fail?"
"Not fail. Be convinced."
"Of what?" I stare at her, willing myself to read her thoughts. "Are you trying to punish me?"
"If anyone's being punished, it's me-you keep picking at my old wound."
Suddenly, the lack of sleep and panic push my emotions over the edge. "Bullshit! That's called bad faith."
"Is it? I've done the same thing to you that you've done to me."
"I've never acted in bad faith with you!"
Her cheeks turn red and rage erupts in the icy blue of her eyes. "You haven't? You didn't get me fired from my school? You didn't have my new job offer rescinded? You didn't withhold some pretty damn important information about what's been going on between you and your father? About your inheritance? You didn't do any of that?"
My mouth parts. I've never considered … I didn't think about how my desperate drive to have her back would look.
She isn't finished. "Right. So instead of acting in good faith, you used your time to try to seduce me with empty words and gestures. What you've given me is exactly like that pot-nothing in it except dirt. But I would've believed, Lucas. I would have believed something wonderful could grow from it, and I would've poured my heart and soul and life into it … only to end up with nothing. Because you've never felt anything real for me."
"That's not … " I put down the pot. Some dirt has gotten on my palms, but I barely register that before reaching out and holding her hand in mine. It's so warm and sweet against my bare skin. "I'm in love with you, Ava." Tell me I'm enough. Tell me you love me, too. Tell me I'm not some craven bastard for saying this to you, wishing that you'd say it back.
Her face crumples for a moment. Hope stirs within me, but then the voice drowns it. When you say things like "I love you" you're trying to get the other person to say it back. A vise tightens around my chest. I can't draw in any air, but I try to keep myself together. This is the most important conversation of my life.
You're being needy.
My head pounds, and I can barely think. I'm so fucking nauseous, I'm barely standing up, but I do. I have to salvage this … have to save what I have with Ava.
Abruptly a hard mask descends over her face. "Don't say things you don't mean, Lucas, just to score a point."
"Seriously? You think-" I haul in a lungful of air and struggle for control. "You think I'd say that to a woman I didn't love?"
"Yes." She pulls her hand out of my grasp, brushing her palm against her pants. When she looks back up at me, her gaze is as hard and sharp as a guillotine. "I do."
Don't touch me.
What did I say about touching me when you're dirty?
A cacophony of noise rolls through my head. I open and close my grubby hand.
She takes a half step back, shakes her head. "You're toxic, Lucas … "
The ugly sounds grow louder in my ears, but her voice is crystal clear, cutting through it all like a machete. "Ava," I whisper, my tongue thick and clumsy. Please stop, please stop, please sto-
" … and that is why I'm done with you."