"You're right. Things are not ideal," I say. "No matter who I end up with, I'm not going to have a perfect relationship. You know why? Because perfect relationships don't exist. I know you don't approve, Bennie, but it would mean a lot if you could just support me here. After all, you are my best friend."
Bennie's handsome face falls. He drags his fingers through his hair. "I know you want this to work. But I'm worried that if it doesn't, I'll be the one picking up the pieces and trying to put you back together. Like I did last time," he says pointedly. "I can't watch you suffer like that again."
"Bennie … "
"But, I guess … If this is what's going to make you happy … " He sighs. "Fuck it. You only live once, right?"
Fond emotions surge inside me. I wrap my arms around him. "Thank you. I couldn't ask for a better friend."
He hugs me back, enveloping me in his familiar, comforting warmth. "You're welcome. I think you're being very brave, and I admire you for it."
I close my eyes, grateful for his friendship. What would I do without him?
Suddenly something vibrates between us, and I pull back. "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just trying to make me happy to see you?"
"Har har." He takes the phone out, checks the screen and shoves it back.
"Go ahead and take it. I don't mind."
"It's no one."
The taut way he speaks lets me know who tried to contact him. "It's Drew, isn't it?"
Bennie shakes his head. "I told him I didn't want to talk to him. I don't know why he keeps bothering me."
My instinct tells me he should call back and listen to what Drew has to say. But after asking him to give me his approval despite his misgivings, I can't bring myself to criticize him for his relationship decisions. I reach over and squeeze his hand.
"Thanks for not nagging," Bennie says.
"I'm sure you have good reasons for doing what you're doing. I don't want to make you doubt yourself."
"I always thought I was the best friend a person could have, but you're not too bad yourself."
I elbow his ribs lightly. "And I thought my ego was the biggest."
Bennie laughs. But somehow I can't help but think that he's secretly miserable.
Chapter Seventeen
Lucas
I find myself in front of Ava's apartment a little before six o'clock. I didn't plan to come so early, but I couldn't make myself stay away. She agreed to go to the States with me, but it's going to be impossible to relax until she's actually on the plane.
So you're being clingy. Just the way your mother always hated.
A coat of sweat films my palms, and I wipe them on my pants. I'm no longer the grubby, needy child that not even his own mother wanted to touch. And Ava isn't as cold as Betsy Ford. Probably no woman could be.
I knock on the door and wait, holding a bouquet of calla lilies. I saw them on my way to Ava's apartment, and I had to ask the taxi driver to stop so I could get them for her. The elegant white blossoms reminded me of Ava-her beauty and her grace.
The door opens, and instead of Ava's lovely smile, I'm confronted with Bennie. His face scrunches like he's just stepped in a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk as his eyes rake me up and down.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I have a dinner date with Ava," I answer evenly. Arguing with Ava's best friend probably won't earn me any brownie points. Knowing how important Bennie is to her, I want to have a good relationship with him as well.
"Really? Is that what you just decided?"
What's with this hostility? "No. She knows I'm coming."
"She didn't say anything about it."
"Why should she?" My temper starts to fray. "You're not her chaperone."
"No, just a good friend who had to watch you ruin her career." Bennie shoves his feet into a pair of dingy sneakers at the entryway and comes outside, closing the door behind him. "You're a selfish SOB who's only out for Number One. Don't lie and tell me you care about Ava."
"You're half-right. I am a selfish son of a bitch, but contrary to what you assume, I care a great deal about Ava."
"Is that why you humiliated her at her school? You know what kind of rumors are flying around about her?"
It's a bit of a shock to realize that Ava has told him everything. At some level, I guess it makes sense since they're best friends. Still, the knowledge that he's this close of a confidant starts to burn like acid.
"Do they matter? We're leaving tomorrow," I say, even as guilt prickles my conscience.
"Without a goodbye party with her friends? I don't think so, buster." Bennie shakes his head. "Maybe this is just a game to you. I mean, you're rich, right? So who gives a shit about a few ruined lives along the way so long as you get what you want? But to her the job meant something. And if you don't understand that, you're just a prick who only gives lip service to the idea that you care about her."