"Well … good. But Ava, that's not enough. I want more."
He's making it clear that he wants everything from me. But no matter how open he's been in the last few hours, I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave myself completely defenseless. The idea is simply too scary.
"We've just reconnected after two years," I say with care. "And the way we parted wasn't … ideal. We need to give ourselves some room-some time-and take this relationship slowly. Rushing … well, rushing might doom it."
"Don't even think that," Lucas says harshly. "It is not doomed. I am going to make this work."
I don't know if he can, but I know he's determined to try. So I turn the conversation to something that's been bothering me for a long, long time. "If I ask you to stop seeing Faye Belbin, will you?"
He pulls back in surprise. "Ava … She's my friend."
"But every time I see her, I feel like I wasn't enough back then. I already told you all this on the flight."
His jaw firms. "All right. I won't see her. She and I have certain mutual business interests, but she can deal with my assistant if she needs to communicate with me. There will be no direct contact."
"So this time, you and I will be one hundred percent exclusive, right? Not just sex. No more taking other people to functions and parties?"
"Right."
That mollifies me. We finish our meal quietly. Mostly I'm thinking. This is a huge adjustment, going from expecting to take a job in Thailand to moving back home. I can't believe it's been only five days since we ran into each other again in Chiang Mai.
"Do you know where you might want to live in the States?" Lucas asks suddenly.
"I … haven't thought that far. I mean, I guess I might go to Charlottesville for a little bit to see some people." I want to say hello to Darcy and Ray and hold Mia in my arms.
Lucas nods. "We can do that. I still have the place in Charlottesville."
"You do?"
"Yup. Never got rid of it. I did all my surgeries and rehab at the UVA hospital."
Unease settles over me. I take a few bites of the berries and then push my plate away. "I should get going before the traffic gets really bad."
It's a flimsy excuse. But I need some time alone to figure out exactly how my life with Lucas is going to be in the States.
Thankfully, he doesn't object. He calls the butler, asking her to bring my clothes back. He dismisses her once she's completed the task, and helps me get dressed. We walk down to the lobby together, our hands linked. The physical connection helps settle my nerves.
He puts me into a waiting taxi and hands the driver a five-thousand yen bill.
"That's too much," I say. "I can take care of the fare."
He shakes his head. "You're mine. Let me provide for you."
"But-"
"Don't fight me, Ava. I'll send someone to help you pack and we'll go out to dinner tonight."
He leans down and gives me a quick kiss on the mouth. When he pulls back, the taxi driver, mildly scandalized, closes the door. I turn and watch through the window as the cab carries me away from the only man I've ever loved.
* * *
Ava
Less than an hour after I get back to the apartment, Bennie barges in. His black-socked feet stomp on the floor like a raging rhino's. I stare, surprised that he's already home. Normally he has after-school club activities that require his supervision.
"Tell me where the son of a bitch is. I'm going to kill him!" Bennie yells, fists clenched and ready to throw.
I think I have a pretty good idea of who the son of a bitch he's referring to is, but I don't want to talk about that right now, especially when he's in this kind of mood. "What are you doing back so early?"
"Melissa the Aussie, who has a friend at your school, said that you were called into the principal's office and left with your things. And the rumor is apparently going around that you're a slut who went to a hotel room with a guy late on Sunday while cohabiting with another guy."
I cringe. God. It hasn't even been a full day. On the other hand, I'm certain Kouchou-sensei and Mishima-sensei wasted no time tarring and feathering me, most likely using elegantly passive-aggressive Japanese.
Bennie continues, "There's only one asshole who'd try to ruin your life this way."
"Do they know that you're the guy I'm living with?" Melissa works alongside Bennie, is totally fluent in Japanese and integrated into society here. I don't want his job to be affected by what's going on in my personal life.
"Not at the moment. But I wouldn't be surprised if that fucker reveals the information just because. He's out to win the Asshole of the Century award."