She sighed and sipped from her glass of water after telling her therapist as much.
Despite moving to Preston County, West Virginia, the birthplace of her mother, Grace continued her therapy appointments every other week, commuting back to DC by bus and train. She'd stay at Kai's apartment and travel back the following morning. Her brother was clearly not happy about the arrangement-worrying endlessly about her being on her own-but Grace enjoyed the time the journey gave her. Sometimes she read, listened to music, sometimes she took discreet photographs out of the window or of other, more interesting-looking passengers; other times she used it as a chance to reflect on the last few years of her life, especially the changes and the huge strides she'd made in her recuperation.
Two years ago, the thought of traveling alone, never mind by public transport, would have caused a crippling panic attack. Now, as long as she took her meds ahead of time, she didn't even suffer palpitations. It was freeing in a way she could never describe.
"Let me ask you," her therapist, Nina, said gently. "What do you want to achieve from this interest in Max? What is your goal?"
Grace frowned. "My goal?"
"I mean, is this a lust thing, a companionship thing? Do you want to sleep with him or do you just want be his friend?"
Grace shifted embarrassedly in her seat. "He's good-looking, yes, but-sleep with him?" She watched in alarm as the goose bumps popped up on her arms, as they were prone to do at the mere mention of sex. "I can't answer that."
"Is that due to your latent apprehensions toward intimacy or about Max himself?"
Grace wasn't sure. His fleeting glances notwithstanding, she didn't even know if Max was attracted to her. Besides, he'd been through his own rough times and was, according to rumor, staying with his uncle to help his recovery; sex was probably the last thing on his mind.
"I'd like to be his friend," she answered eventually. "With everything he's been through, he might need another one. I know I do."
Nina lifted her chin, watching Grace in that all-knowing way of hers. "Grace, this is the first time since we started these sessions twenty-eight months ago that you've mentioned a man other than your brother or your ex-husband, and what's even more encouraging is that you're attracted to him. Regardless of where you decide to take this, or whether he wants the same thing, remember, this is a step in the right direction."
That Grace had to agree with. Whether it was the house project or the West Virginia air that had bolstered her confidence, she was gradually coming to realize that she no longer wanted to shy away from the prospect of a connection with someone. What that connection might be, she wasn't entirely certain, but for the first time in too long, the unknown was suddenly very exciting.
It was two days after her therapy session before Grace saw Max again. Seated in the window of the coffee shop in town, he sat by himself, pencil in hand with a small sketchbook. His hair fell forward, hiding his eyes while he wrote or drew or whatever the hell he was doing. With her daily latte in one hand and a chocolate muffin in the other, Grace approached, coughing gently so as not to surprise him. He looked up, uncertainty covering his face.
His eyes were darker than usual, circled with tired, bluish bruise-like lines, as though he hadn't slept in a week.
"Hey," she said brightly. "How are you?" There was no answer but for the confused furrow in the center of his brow. She pushed on regardless. "I love the lattes here. Sure beats the hell out of the crap you get in DC."
He glanced at her cup, then at his own, seemingly waking from whatever daze she'd disturbed him in. Grace held her breath.
"I miss the coffee in New York," he murmured.
Success!
"I can imagine," she offered, pressing her lips together. "New York does great coffee. And bagels. Awesome bagels. So . . . may I join you?" She gestured to his book still lying open on the table; she was unable to clearly make out the scribbles and doodles on the pages. "I don't want to disturb or intrude if you'd rather be on your own."
Max closed the book quickly and pulled it toward his body protectively. Slowly, he nodded. "No, it's okay."
He pushed the pencil behind his ear as she sat, and folded his large arms over his broad chest. His size should have been intimidating and Grace didn't doubt that to many it would be, but, oddly, to her, it wasn't. She'd seen him at the site, saw how he used his strength to do his work quickly and effectively, but also saw how, in social situations, he was the complete antithesis, forever trying to make himself look smaller, as though trying to hide or melt into the walls around him. She wondered what had happened in his past that would make him feel it necessary to do that.