He tore the pack open, taking one for himself, and offered them over to Kat. She took one and dipped it into her cocoa.
"How'd you get it out of him?"
Kat smiled into her cup. "I didn't. I have ninja-level stealth skills."
Max nodded, impressed. "Nice."
"I'm marrying him; I know everything there is to know."
Yeah, just like he and Lizzie had been. Max's smile faded. He sipped his cocoa as a feeling of panic and anxiety, the likes of which he'd not felt since before rehab, skittered across his neck.
"I'm sure it'll be all right," Kat said, her face open and honest, apparently seeing the stress he was trying so hard to hide. "Whatever you decide."
Max swallowed and rested his elbows on the breakfast bar between them. "Carter told you everything, huh?"
"Does that bother you?" Kat asked cautiously.
Max thought about it for a moment, but shook his head. "I'm glad he has you."
They sat then in comfortable silence, eating cookies and drinking cocoa, before Max said, "Do you think I'm an idiot?"
Kat's gaze snapped to his, surprise prevalent. "An idiot? I-I'm not sure-"
Max held a hand up, smiling. "It's okay. Honestly." He shrugged. "I know we've never really . . . talked or anything, but I'd like to hear what you think. I know Carter thinks I'm crazy coming back." He laced his fingers around his cup, his shoulders sagging with the weight of the world. "Am I fuckin' stupid for even thinking of doing this?"
Kat sat back, as though carefully considering her answer. Her green eyes were intense on him and, for a split second, Grace's face flashed in Max's mind. He blinked slowly, waiting.
"I think . . ." Kat started. She glanced at her cup and gradually sat forward. "I think that you need to do what you feel is right."
Max exhaled in frustration and opened his mouth to tell Kat what a crock-of-shit answer that was. She held up her palm and cocked an eyebrow. "I haven't finished."
He could clearly see what Carter loved so much about her; she was sassy and Max was damn sure she put Carter in his place all the time.
"I also think that you're very brave," she added.
That brought Max up short. Brave? He didn't think so. He'd never felt more terrified. He shook his head gently.
"You're willing to face what nearly broke you," Kat murmured. "That's very brave."
Max clenched his teeth, holding back the angry retort that threatened; he had no right. He'd asked for her opinion. An opinion that itched like an insect bite. But how could he refute what Kat had said? Lizzie had nearly broken him. He'd fallen apart without her, because of her. If they met, would he shatter all over again? He'd grown so used to the sensation of being whole over the past few months, he wasn't sure he'd survive even the most gentle of taps from her.
"Has Carter ever told you about my grandmother, Nana Boo?" Kat asked.
Max nodded, not looking up. "Yeah, he's mentioned her. She's the one who makes him the killer Oreo cheesecake, right?"
Kat laughed. "She does. Every time she visits. I swear, he should be, like, three hundred pounds." Max chuckled despite himself. "She's the very best person I know. I still go to her about everything. When I was in senior year, I had my first boyfriend. I was eighteen and madly in love, while he was apparently madly in love with three other girls behind my back."
Max's eyes found hers. "Ouch."
Kat lifted her eyebrows. "Right? So we broke up. Three months later he called me up, begging for me to take him back, he was sorry, he wouldn't do it again, blah, blah, blah. I went to Nana Boo to ask what she thought I should do."
Max sat forward. "And what did she say?"
Kat swallowed her sip of cocoa. "She said, Katherine, angel, never answer the door when the past comes knocking." Her voice grew softer. "It never has anything new to say."
Max took a deep breath, the echo of her words reverberating through him. He slumped in his seat and stared at the breakfast bar suddenly feeling nothing but defeated. He was so fucking confused. His body torn in two. His mind wanting one thing-to walk away from what nearly killed him-and his heart wanting another. It was exhausting. The edges of his brain teased with a righteous headache and, for the first time in months, he craved a line.
Angry with himself, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes until he saw small white stars dancing behind his eyelids.
"Do me a favor, Max, will you?"
Kat's request brought Max's head up, blinking away the fuzzy darkness. "Sure."
"Be careful." Kat reached over, placed a small hand on his forearm, and squeezed. "You have a lot of people who care and who worry about you. Don't forget that, okay? You're not alone." She smiled gently. "We're family."