“Look.” I sighed. “I’m not really the dating type. Even if I wanted to do this, the whole marriage thing, I couldn’t possibly pay you, Chase,” I whispered. “I don’t have the money, and I doubt I’ll have it in a year. I can barely afford to pay my rent.”
“We can agree on installments.”
I grimaced.
“I was just joking,” Chase said, taking a sip of his wine. “I told you, it’s not about the money.”
Everything’s about something in life. There’s no such thing as a free ride.
The knowledge had been burning inside my head for the past few hours, lingering in my brain like a disease.
Sure, I knew he wanted to date, but it couldn’t be the only thing he wanted.
“There has to be something in it for you,” I said slowly, rolling the wine glass between my hands. “People don’t do good deeds out of goodwill.”
“I do. I want to help. Your pussy would be a great bonus, though.” He grinned, and for a moment I wasn’t sure whether he was indeed joking.
I shook my head at his unwillingness to share his true feelings with me. Much like the fire in the candles burning, it had a life on its own. I was too tired to deal with a hot, walking enigma.
“If you had led the life I have, you’d do the same.” His voice drew my attention back to him.
I raised my brows. “How so?”
“We aren’t so different, Laurie. Maybe if I tell you something about me, you’ll understand why I’m doing this.”
My breath hitched. He was finally ready to disclose more about his life…and yet I couldn’t push it.
“You don’t have to. It’s fine.” Even though I wanted to know more about his past, I didn’t like the gravity in his voice. His expression had turned serious, his eyes betraying something I couldn’t identify, and seeing him like that hurt me in a way I didn’t understand.
Our gazes locked, and I almost flinched at the dark glint in his beautiful gray-blue eyes. Hurt. Disappointed. He had a haunted look, the kind of look people get when they experience great trauma and loss.
“No, it’s okay. I want to. You told me something about you, and I want to do the same.” He paused for a moment and moistened his lips. The sudden distant look in his eyes betrayed that he was traveling into a past long gone. “My mother died on the road when I was nine. We were all traveling together that night. I remember I was sleeping when someone shouted, waking me up. I was disoriented, and I remember having a strange feeling, like I could tell something bad was about happen.” He drew a sharp breath and let it out slowly. “It happened so fast. One minute I was sleeping, and the next, our bus crashed into a tree on the side of the road. My mother couldn’t be helped in time. There was nothing anyone could do.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
He nodded. “It was hard. But it was even harder growing up and finding that, at some point, my memory became fuzzy. I just couldn’t remember her.” He took another sip, his glance far away in the past. “I never really knew much about her, anyway, and she left me nothing of importance. The pictures I have of her might just as well be of a stranger.” He looked up to me, his eyes focusing on me with renewed interest. “At least your mom has left you something. I like the idea that she left you personal letters, even if they turn out to be nothing but drivel. They’re still from her, and I want you to have them. Is that so hard to understand?”
“That’s selfless,” I said, meaning it.
“Maybe,” Chase said, hesitating. “It just feels right. Like I’m solving a puzzle from my own past through you. But I’m also doing it because, well, you have no one else. There aren’t many days left, Laurie. If I’m not marrying you, who else could possibly help you but me? Try walking away from this situation. It’s not as easy as you make it sound.”
I remained silent as I considered his words. It was true. I didn’t have much time left. Besides, the chance of coming across someone else who’d agree to help me was like finding a needle in a haystack. But Chase felt as though he couldn’t walk away. My guilty conscience kicked in.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t want to cause you any trouble,” I whispered.
“You’re not. And, to be honest, I’m kind of enjoying this.” His mouth twitched into a hesitant smile as he continued, and I sensed that the conversation was about to take yet another turn. “If we’re doing this, then we’ll have to agree on some ground rules.”
I raised my brows. “Like?”