When I return, Elliot's in the kitchen getting another coffee. I say, "Hi."
He merely nods.
"There's something I want to talk about."
He raises an eyebrow and waits.
The silent treatment. Fine. I don't let it get to me. If he expects me to cringe or something, he has another think coming. "I met Traci today for lunch, and she said there's a temporary opening at OWM. I thought maybe I should take it."
A small muscle in his jaw flexes, and he breathes audibly through his mouth. "I'll take care of the money you owe Grayson."
"It's not really about the money. I don't think this is a well-paying job, given that it's a junior assistant position." When he merely stares at me, I fidget. "Like I said before, I want something to occupy my time." Especially if you're going to treat me like this. "Besides, it'll be good for me. Something to put on my résumé, plus it'll get me out of the house … maybe make some new friends."
"Then you should take the job."
The lack of inflection in his voice twists me inside out. He used to be so animated, eyes bright and words full of emotion, even when he was trying rather crudely to proposition me. I'd rather have that than this.
"Elliot … "
"That's what you want, isn't it?" He sounds reasonable. Too reasonable.
"Yes, but you can tell me if you have any misgivings. It's your friend's company."
"Why? Do you have to hand over any secrets to Grayson?"
My face heats. I can feel blotches of red blooming in my cheeks, neck and chest. "That's uncalled for."
He shrugs.
I put my hands on my hips. "You know I could've just applied for the job on the spot when Traci mentioned it, but I wanted to talk to you first."
"Why?"
"Because you made a big deal about talking things over first, and the last time we talked about me getting a job, you seemed standoffish about the idea."
"You can do whatever you want, Belle."
"You want me to beg, don't you?"
"If you want."
My teeth grind together, but I force myself to relax so I can talk with some outward semblance of calm. "I already said I was sorry. And I am sorry. I honestly didn't think it would matter so much to you, or that it would be such a betrayal. I haven't told Mr. Grayson anything, or done anything on his behalf. I don't even know what he really wants." The only thing I am pretty certain of is that he doesn't just want his money back from me, except … I can't imagine what he thinks I can do for him.
"Have you considered the fact that if he knows about my needing to marry, he might know how long I need to marry as well?"
I tilt my head. "No. It never crossed my mind."
"Then now you can see how he could've asked you to divorce me before the year is up."
"Except I wouldn't. You and I signed a deal." His expression doesn't change, and I know I'm not convincing him. So I add something he'll understand. "I want that million dollars."
Elliot's mouth slants upward in an unpleasant smile. "He could top that amount. Easily double it."
Would Mr. Grayson go that far? I shake my head. "Well, I don't care. I still wouldn't do it."
"Why not? You said it yourself back then-you needed money."
"Yes, but a million is more than enough. Besides … " I sigh, suddenly tired. "I love you, Elliot."
His eyes shutter. The only thing that betrays that he feels anything is a light flush streaking his lean cheeks.
He is shutting me out, and I ache. There's something so painful about telling a man you love him and having him reject it. Did it have something to do with me telling him that I didn't think I could love romantically? Back then I believed that because my experiences were less than ideal, and I couldn't let myself be that vulnerable. But then Elliot had to show me another side of him that I couldn't resist. It was more than sex, more than just kindness. It was as though he knew exactly what he needed to do to heal my soul.
My eyes prickle, and I blink quickly. I won't have him accuse me of using tears to get my way, but I'm not going to look away either. I'm not lying and I have nothing to hide.
"I don't care what you think," I begin, "but it's the truth. God knows … " My voice breaks along with my heart. "I didn't want to love you."
With that parting remark, I go upstairs to my room, feeling Elliot's eyes boring into my back. I need to text Traci that I'm interested in the position, and I need some time alone to lick my wounds. In addition, Nonny's going to be home soon, and I need to mentally prepare for the cold shoulder I'm undoubtedly going to get from her. I refuse to lose my temper or break down.