The evening turned into the longest of her life and only became more intolerable when they said good-night to their guests at the coat room. Theo held her wool wrap and asked near her ear, “You okay?”
This from the man who had become Robot Theo for the last two hours, tense and barely able to string two civil words together, leaving all the talking to her. If she’d found the love remark disconcerting, he’d found it insufferable.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled as she clutched the edges of the wrap across her aching breastbone.
Across the room, Gideon lifted Adara’s hair out from beneath the collar of her jacket. His gaze on her was tender as he cupped her face to give her a light kiss. Her smile when he drew back was radiant.
Jaya wanted to cry. She’d settled and could never back out now, even if she hadn’t loved her husband so much she thought she’d die of it.
“Don’t lie to me, Jaya,” he said beside her with quiet ferocity. “Even if you think it might be easier for both of us.”
She met his gaze, but it was painful to hold. He’d see how much regret filled her. Funny how she’d thought the worst thing in the world had been being a financial burden on her uncle. No, it was far worse to be an emotional burden. She didn’t want Theo to know she loved him when he couldn’t love her back. It would be more weight on his conscience than he deserved to carry. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t love.
“Adara,” he called, startling Jaya with his sharp tone.
His sister turned back from exiting with her husband.
“Is something wrong?” she asked as she approached, looking between the two of them. The weird thing was, it was like she already knew. Jaya had a feeling Adara was as aware of how tonight’s gaffe had affected Theo as Jaya was.
A gut-wrenching sense of rejection filled her as she saw Theo’s not loving her blink larger than the sign in Times Square. Everyone knew.
“Will you swing by our place on your way home and take Zephyr overnight? The sitter can’t stay,” Theo said. “I’ll text her to let her know.”
“What? No!” Jaya protested in shock. “Why—?”
“Of course,” Gideon cut in smoothly. “Our pleasure.”
“But we’re going straight home,” Jaya insisted. “Aren’t we?”
“We’ll use the family suite here tonight.”
“Theo—” Jaya began.
“Please let us do this.” Adara set a light touch on her arm. “Theo never asks me for anything.” Leaning in to buss Jaya’s cheek with her own, she whispered, “Please don’t give up on him.” With a tight smile of concern, she and Gideon hurried away.
Speechless, Jaya watched them depart. “This is crazy. Why did you do that?”
“Crazy? We both know we need to talk.”
She hugged herself into her wrap, cold despite their staying inside. As he nudged her toward the elevators, she stumbled.
“I don’t want to talk,” she mumbled. This was her problem, not theirs. She had known what she was marrying. Maybe he would come to love her eventually, but not if she forced it.
“There’s a switch.” He eyed her as he brought out his card and got them into the private elevator.
“What is?”
“You being the one who doesn’t want to talk. Especially after you taught me it’s the only way to fix things. Why are you trying to take that away from me now?”
“I’m not,” she protested as they entered the family suite. “I just don’t see any use this time.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to hear again that you don’t love me and never will!” The outburst surprised even her. She pulled her wrap tighter around her throat, turning away to hide her hurt.
He drew a long, harsh breath then heavy silence descended.
She waited.
Nothing.
A choking little cry of protest escaped her. “And there you go again, withdrawing—”
“It’s not easy for me, Jaya! I don’t even know how to love, not properly. I still feel awkward kissing my son, like the more I want and need him in my life, the more likely he’ll be snatched away.”
“Not by me! I’m not trying to take away your heart either. Love isn’t something to dread.”
“I know that,” he cut in. “But people knowing how I feel... When that woman said we were in love tonight, I lost a bit of sanity. I couldn’t bear for them to know how much you mean to me. It makes me too vulnerable.”
It wasn’t the statement she was looking for, but it was close enough to make her turn and look at him. “Do you mean that?”