An Exception to His Rule(78)

                ‘Are you serious?’

                He studied her wide eyes and the look of shock in them. ‘I’ve never been more serious, I’ve never been as confused, as I was for a while, in my whole life. I’ve never felt as rejected as I did the night of Charlie’s accident when you...’

                ‘Don’t.’ Harriet closed her eyes briefly. ‘I felt terrible then, and the night of his birthday party.’

                ‘Good,’ he said gravely but his eyes were wicked.

                She bit her lip. ‘I did seriously not want to be on your conscience, though, I still do,’ she said then with more spirit. ‘I mean I still don’t want to be—there,’ she elucidated.

                ‘I know what you mean and you’re not. It’s something else altogether and it only started to come home to me when you ran into the gatepost.’

                ‘Don’t,’ she pleaded. ‘Don’t bring up those things. They meant nothing.’

                ‘Maybe not to you but they did to me. They were all part of the picture, you see.’

                ‘What picture?’ She frowned at him.

                ‘The picture I loved. I loved you, Harriet Livingstone. That’s why I cared so much about you. The thing I’d thought could never happen for me, had snuck up and hit me on the head, and I realised I was going to spend the rest of my life worrying about you.’

                They gazed at each other and she thought he suddenly looked pale.

                ‘And loving you because I just can’t help myself. All the rest of it, all my grudges and heaven knows what else, they suddenly counted for nothing.’

                ‘Damien,’ she whispered.

                ‘Nothing had the power to change that or flaw it or make the slightest difference to how I felt about you. Remember the night you told me you weren’t pregnant?’

                She nodded.

                ‘I couldn’t believe how disappointed I was.’

                Harriet stared at him with her lips parted. ‘But...but you went away. You told me you wouldn’t be harassing me on—on any subject.’

                He grimaced. ‘And I even managed to stick to that. But don’t forget you told me that same day that you’d be a fool to want to be married to me after Veronica and how it had left me. You also hadn’t had time to absorb the news about Simon Dexter and your best friend. And I thought—’ He stopped abruptly.

                ‘What?’ she asked.

                ‘That I could never get you to believe me.’ He looked suddenly irritated to death. ‘Especially after I’d told you why it was no good us contemplating any future together.’ He gestured. ‘I was also afraid that you could never love me.’

                ‘Never love you?’

                He froze as she repeated the phrase as if it had never occurred to her.

                ‘Harriet,’ he said ominously, ‘you told me at the beginning that you were quite happy to remain fancy-free and you never, even after you slept with me, changed your position other than to a slight tinge of regret when I told you about Veronica!’

                ‘Damien,’ she said, ‘can I tell you my story? It’s not as long as yours but that slight tinge of regret you sensed when you told me about Veronica was in fact a torrent of sudden understanding. I was determined to stay “fancy free”, I’d fooled myself into thinking I had but it suddenly hit me—that I’d fallen head over heels in love with you and it was the saddest moment of my life.’