An Endless Summer(111)

That’s what I tried to tell myself, anyway; I had convinced myself that it had been a bad day. I had been after an escape, just one night. After all, I’d sought him out, pushed him. It had been a one-off, obviously. Sean had made no promises, or declarations of undying love … the thought of which always brought me back to the day after, when he had wanted to tell me something. I had feared him giving me the friendship spiel so much I had legged it quick smart. Looking back now, I wish I had listened, instead of now waiting, hoping to hear from him or see him. Missing him. If I had heard him out at the time, at least now I would know one way or another. My life was in limbo in all aspects. No wonder I couldn’t sleep. And the more I didn’t hear from him the angrier I was at him. I did miss him, but it didn’t mean that I would be falling over him come weekends, or be pathetic and overly grateful whenever he felt like sending a random text. I had some pride.



1 New Message:

Sean: Unravelled the cube???



My brows narrowed. That was it? Three words? I hit reply, smiling evilly to myself.



To: Sean.

I’m sorry do I know you???



It took twenty seconds for my phone to beep again.



1 New Message:

Sean: So that’s a no then?



I went to reply but thought better of it. Instead, I put my phone on silent and tossed it back on my side table.

Yep! I was still mad at him.



***



At Saturday night’s disco, I watched as my parents faked their way through the night with an award-winning performance of upbeat gaiety. Seriously, they almost had even me convinced life was good.

They talked of exciting new chapters in their lives and how much they were looking forward to it. I thought it best to keep my distance from them and their friends as I was in danger of giving up the jig – one look at me and anyone could have told life wasn’t a bed of roses.

I sidestepped along the edge of the dance floor, watching my parents from across the garden, concentrating on the cracks that I expected to see in their cheerful facade. In a moment’s pause, my mum turned to Dad and looked at him, really looked at him. Although I would usually cringe and roll my eyes at their moments of wedded bliss, I saw something tender exchange between them. Dad had his arm around the back of Mum’s seat and he leaned in to whisper something in her ear. She laughed, like really laughed and it was for the first time in, well … forever that I had seen them look so happy. Together. I was never so grateful that they had each other, that they had reconnected. It made me feel like anything we could face we could do together, as a family. I smiled, turning to make my way towards the bar when I slammed into someone.

Sean.

My knee-jerk reaction was to whack him as hard as I could. “Ow! Look where you’re going!” I cried.

“Not the face!” Sean held his hands up protectively.

“Relax – punching you in the face would hurt me more than it would you, I’m sure,” I said, shaking my hand and wincing. Hitting Sean was like hitting granite.

“No doubt. I am blessed with a ludicrously chiselled jaw line.”

“Ludicrously chiselled?” I scoffed.

“Sure, check it out!”

Sean reached for my hand and brought it up to his face. My fingers traced his freshly shaven jaw, something I didn’t usually see. I took a good look at him: he was freshly shaven, wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and navy jeans. He looked ludicrously good.

“You feel it?” he said, a small glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

I felt my traitorous heart pound against my ribcage as my fingers traced a line down his jaw. I snapped out of my trance. We were in a public beer garden. I pulled my hand away and cleared my throat, trying not to look too embarrassed.

“It’s not that ludicrous.” I said quietly.

Sean was still looking at me, I could feel it, but before he could say anything, Tammy let out a loud squeal in the distance.

“Oh my God, I love this song! Amy … Come on!”

She disentangled herself from the crowd and grabbed my hand.

“Come on, let’s go!”

She hauled me through the throng of partiers, whether I liked it or not, although it was a welcome save from the possible awkwardness I had under the surface that bubbled up at the very thought of talking to Sean.

It didn’t take long to let the music override us – everything else just swept away. I couldn’t help but look over, keep track of Sean’s movements. It was fine; he had made his way towards a table to sit with the Onslow Boys. Their heads bowed every now and then in conversation, Toby moved to refill glasses; Ringer arrived and slapped their backs and joined the fray. But one thing I was adamantly aware of was Sean’s searing gaze as he sipped on his beer, the disco lights flickering across his smug face. Maybe he was just looking at the dance floor, but either way I felt eyes on me.