Ringer gingerly stood, obviously still drunk from the boys’ drinking session. Sean opened the door and stood aside in a none-too-subtle hint to get out.
“You can smoke that outside,” Sean said, his face still lined with a dark broodiness. I had to bite my lower lip to stop from smirking.
Ringer shuffled his feet towards the open door and paused before Sean, the very same cheeky grin appearing as he looked at Sean and then me. I turned slightly to mask the blush I no doubt sported across my cheeks.
Ringer tapped Sean on the shoulder. “You’re a brave man, Seany, boy. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He winked and quickly made his way in a zigzag down the hall after Sean pushed him out.
“Crash in the spare room, Ringo! Sleep it off!” Sean called down the hall.
“Aye-aye, Captain!” Ringer saluted before tripping over his own feet and knocking into the wall “Oh, shit-fuck!”
Sean sighed deeply, shook his head, and shut the door.
I sat on the edge of the bed, still no more than just a mattress on the floor. “I thought you said they’d all gone home,” I said, unable to contain my laughter any longer.
Sean smirked. “Yeah, well, I’ll do a head count next time.”
Without tearing his eyes from me, he clicked the lock on the bedroom door. My smile fell, panic rising in me at the sound; a sound so delicate and innocent, yet it held perhaps the biggest meaning of all. Just me and Sean behind a locked bedroom door. I swallowed deeply.
“So you don’t mind if I … you know … stay?” I asked. I tried not to fidget. I didn’t want Sean to think I was as nervous as my constantly churning insides made me feel.
He folded his arms and leaned against the door, his eyes searing into me. “Must be pretty bad if you’re running away from it.”
“I’m not running away,” I said defensively, causing Sean’s brows to rise.
“Really?” he mused.
My breaths felt labored; the locked door made me claustrophobic as my mind whirred through a series of explanations. Of course I was running away, what else could there be to it? The more I thought about another possible truth, the more anxiety spiked inside me. Although I absolutely wanted to run away from my parents and all the bullshit, there was an underlying truth that I simply couldn’t allow myself to admit. Above it all.
I want to be here.
I wanted to be exactly where I was, locked in this room, alone with Sean, sitting on his bed, gazing up at him as I was now. Taking in the masculine lines of his suntanned body, the slight stubble from his unshaven cheeks, his dishevelled hair that was in need of a haircut.
I stared down at my hands. “Listen, just do whatever you do like I’m not even here,” I said. “Don’t let me change your ritual; I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You’re not in the way,” he said as he moved to open his wardrobe. “I’m going to take a shower, do you want one?”
My eyes snapped up. “No!” I yelled a bit too readily. “Uh, no thanks.” I cleared my throat. “I’m fine.”
Sean paused in the door of the en suite, his brow curving.
“I didn’t mean with me.”
“Oh, pfft, I know,” I said.
Oh, God help me!
Sean looked as though he wasn’t wholly buying it.
Had things changed because of today’s kiss? The playfulness in Sean had vanished somehow and everything about our exchange had become so wooden, so unnatural. I missed his smart-arse quips and cockiness. I missed the devilish twinkle in his eyes.
Maybe he was just tired? But here I was alone, all dressed up, lying on his bed, such an easy target and he hadn’t even so much as made a single innuendo about my being here. Maybe the kiss had been nothing more than a spur-of-the-moment thing to him. Perhaps Sean would let me have the bed, come out of the shower and say goodnight while he went and slept elsewhere.
Oh my God, is that what he would do?
I would be mortified. But then, I guessed I would know for sure. Whatever had happened between us this afternoon was nothing more than a typical Sean thing to do; it had just been a no-meaning kiss. All of a sudden I didn’t want to be there.
My heart sank as I heard the falling of the water and the clanking of the pipes in the wall while Sean showered. I sighed, unstrapped my shoes and set them aside. Whatever happened, whatever Sean did or didn’t do, I was grateful to be away from the Onslow. A yawn escaped from me as I stretched my arms above my head; fatigue settling in my weary bones. I was so tired. Tired of it all, but as soon as I heard the water cease and the shower sliding panel open, I had never felt more awake.
“Shit,” I whispered.