Alexander glanced at Rashid.
“When I saw you, there was nothing I could do,” Marcus rasped. “I’d been sitting with Julia for hours, drinking wine, laughing at Primus’ crude jokes, pretending to enjoy myself because I wanted to forget you.” He gave a harsh, self-deprecating laugh. “Then the Christians were being brought out to face the lions.” He drew a ragged breath, seeing himself as he had been, ashamed.
“I’d watched people die all day long without feeling anything, but I couldn’t watch Christians die. I knew any one of them could have been you.” He gave a bleak sigh. “I excused myself to buy more wine. I wanted to get drunk and forget. Julia stopped me. She said she had a surprise for me. She said she’d done something that would set everything right again. When I saw the look in her eyes, I knew.” Hadassah could see the pain of that realization still reflected on his face, in his tormented eyes. “Oh, God, I knew in my soul what she had done, but I didn’t want to believe it! Then I saw you. You walked away from the rest into the center of the arena. Do you remember? You stood alone.” His face contorted again with remembered anguish.
He came closer, wishing he could see through the veils, wishing he could see her eyes and know what she was thinking. “Do you believe me, or do you still think I was part of it?”
“I believe you.”
“But you’ve been afraid, unsure what I might do if I found out you lived.”
She shook her head.
“Others feared for you,” he said, his gaze sweeping Alexander and Rashid. “They were right to fear for you. Julia might have sent you back in the beginning.”
“I knew that.”
“But you didn’t know what I would do,” he said sadly. “Did you?” When she said nothing, he thought he had assumed correctly. “Do you remember telling me once that you prayed God would open my eyes? He did, Hadassah. With holy vengeance. I saw that day. Everything. I saw Julia and her friends and myself as though a lamp had been lit in a dark room and everything was suddenly illuminated.” He clenched his fist.
“When the lion took you down, I felt my own life go out of me. Everything that meant anything—everything that mattered—was stripped away, like dust before a wind. I blamed Julia. I blamed myself. I blamed Jesus.”
Alexander did not move from Hadassah’s side. Marcus looked at him and knew he loved her, too. It had been this man who had taken care of her when she had needed help most. For a moment, Marcus’ pride told him he should leave now and let Hadassah stay with Alexander. Why bare his soul only to be rejected? But he couldn’t leave. Whatever feelings were between Hadassah and the physician, Marcus had to tell her everything, his pride be cursed.
He drew a calming breath and went on. “I went to Palestine to curse God because I thought he had abandoned you as I had. I went because I loved you. I still love you.”
Alexander frowned. Glancing down, he saw how Hadassah trembled. Yet when Marcus reached out to touch her, she withdrew. What held her distant from the man? Was it fear? Or was it something else?
Rashid was frowning as well, troubled and embarrassed by Valerian’s passionate appeal. The Roman had no shame in laying his heart before a woman. Yet that very fact made one thing glaringly clear: This man could have had no part in sending Hadassah to the arena. He would sooner have faced the lions himself.
Silence fell in the courtyard, a hush that trembled.
Alexander let his breath out slowly, his mouth curving ruefully. He met Marcus’ eyes, then stepped back. “We’ll leave you alone with her.”
Reluctantly, Rashid slipped his knife back into his belt.
Hadassah clutched Alexander’s arm. “Please, don’t go,” she whispered.
He put his hand over hers. “You know I love you,” he said softly, “but you’d better hear him out and decide what it is you really want.”
“It won’t change anything,” she said tearfully. “It can’t.”
“Can’t? Have you forgotten your own claim, Hadassah? God can accomplish the impossible.” He touched her veils tenderly. “Is it God’s will at work that holds you back, or your own?” When she didn’t answer, he took her hand. “You’d better find out.” Kissing her palm, he released her and motioned to Rashid.
Her heart thumped madly as Alexander and Rashid left the room. Marcus stood looking down at her with an intensity that made her senses swim.
“I love you,” he said again. “I loved you then and I love you now. Don’t you realize that I began falling in love with you all over again, even when I thought you were someone else, someone called Azar.”