An Echo in the Darkness(122)

He faced her, desperation filling him. She was slipping away from him. He could feel it. “Yes. I believe God kept you alive so you could teach me.”

“And for no other reason?”

“The reasons all stem out of that. Don’t you see? If not for what you’ve taught me, what would’ve happened to Severina and Boethus and Helena and a hundred others who came to us at the booth outside the public baths? Where would Magonianus’ wife and child be now if not for you? How many others are there in this city who need the gifts your god has given you?”

His words didn’t dissuade her. “It’s a matter of honor that I return to Julia.”

“What honor? There’s only foolishness in putting your life back in the hands of a woman so decadent and corrupt she’s being eaten alive by the fruits of her choices. I suspect she’s done things so vile you couldn’t even comprehend them.”

Hadassah had lived with and served Julia for seven years. She knew a great deal more about her than Alexander ever would. A part of her had wanted to think back on those things, to hold those memories like a shield against the softening of her heart. But she knew she mustn’t. To dwell on the sins of Julia’s life would not please God. Far worse, it would keep her from doing his will.

“I gave my word before the Lord.”

“The Lord gave you to me.”

She smiled gently. “Because he knew when the time came, you would release me.”

“No, I won’t release you,” Alexander said. She sat quietly looking at him. He let out his breath. “You’re not thinking clearly. The instant you remove your veils and she sees who you are, she’ll have you tossed to the lions again. And then what will you have accomplished other than your own death?”

She lowered her eyes. “There is that risk.”

“A risk you needn’t take.”

She looked up again, the uncertainty he had sensed in her completely gone. “Great opportunity demands great risk.”

“Opportunity! Opportunity for what?”

“If it be God’s will, to lead her to salvation.”

Amazed, Alexander could only stare at her. “Why would you want her, of all people, to be saved from anything?” He saw tears well in Hadassah’s eyes, and his eyes widened in disbelief. She meant what she said. Could she really be that naive?

He went to her and took her hands. “I will never understand you,” he said hoarsely. “Anyone else would want to stand by her bed and watch her die for what she did. Yet, you . . . you grieve for her.”

“She was a child once, Alexander. Full of joy and sweetness. The world has done things to her.”

“No more than what she’s done to herself and others.”

“That may be,” Hadassah said sadly, “but what I ask to do is so much less than what was done for me.”

His hands tightened around hers. “I can’t let you go.” She was far too valuable to the lives of others . . . to him . . . while Julia Valerian was worthless in his sight.

“I can’t listen to you, Alexander. I must listen to the Lord.”

Her conviction baffled him. “Did God tell you in so many words to go back to her?”

“My heart tells me.”

“What about your head?”

She smiled. “I have thought it through.”

“Not enough.” He cupped her scarred cheek. “Your heart has always been as soft as mush, Hadassah. That woman is as hard as stone.” He spread his hand over the jagged ridges that disfigured her face, hoping she would remember the lions and who it was that had sent her to face them. He looked into her eyes and saw she did. “You’re needed here,” he said, thinking she would now see reason.

When she didn’t speak, he drew her into his arms, holding her close. His heart beat with a fierce protectiveness . . . and something more. Something he would not acknowledge. For if he did so, if he uttered the words pounding in his head, and then lost her, he would not be able to bear it. He spoke, his voice choked with emotion. “I’ll keep you safe. So will Rashid.”

She drew back from him. “Neither of you understand. I already have a Protector.”

“Yes, and God placed you here, with me, and he sent you Rashid, bloody-minded as he is. So listen to us!” He cupped her face, staring intently into her eyes. “I’m not going to let you throw your life away on someone like her.”

She took his hands from her face and held them tightly on her knees. “Each one of us is precious in God’s sight, Alexander. He counts the very hairs on your head.” She let go of him and rose.

“If you’re telling me he sees Julia Valerian as precious as you, I can’t believe it!”