“Corporal!”
“Hey, what’s going on? Are you ok?” I blink my eyes, covered in cold sweat and watch as Chris reappears. The dusty hell hole that I fought in quickly evaporates around me and the cemetery returns.
Chris looks frightened. I fight the urge to puke and wipe the beads of sweat from my forehead, my mind scurrying for some kind of answer to give him.
“Yeah, sorry. I think I might be coming down with something. It’s late. How about we get you home so we can both get some sleep, huh?” My throat is dry as I manage to reassure him. The last thing I need is to have Chris and Lauren worrying about me. It’s my job to look after them, not the other way around.
“Oh, ok,” he looks like he’s not fully buying it. At least he doesn’t keep pushing it though.
What was I saying about leaving that baggage behind at the grave?
Let’s hope it works better for Chris than it did for me.
24
Lauren
2014
The front door opens and I stop pacing and watch as Chris walks into the house with Mack behind him. I can’t even feel my feet hit the floor as I run across it. I throw my arms around Chris and thank God silently.
“I was so worried!” My voice is hoarse from crying. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” I step back and hold my son by his shoulders. He looks up at me with soft eyes and a trembling chin.
“I won’t, Mom. I’m sorry.” I can see he’s trying to keep it together in front of Mack. He probably doesn’t want to cry in front of his hero. I won’t put him through that.
“Go on up to bed, I’m gonna come up in a second,” I give him another quick hug.
“Ok,” he answers timidly. “Goodnight,” he looks over his shoulder at Mack and then flees up the stairs.
“Did you talk to him? Did you tell him he can’t do this to me?” I stare into Mack’s eyes once Chris is out of earshot.
“I did. Lauren, I know you’re upset …”
“You’re damned right I’m upset. Anything could have happened to him. Anything! He could’ve gotten hit by a car, or taken by a creep, I could’ve lost him, Mack.” A sob chokes out my words and I cry into my hands. I feel Mack’s arms around me, strong arms that feel like a brick wall surrounding me. I feel so safe with him. I always have.
“He’s alright. I know he scared you, but I’m partly to blame for that. Cameron and I talked to him about getting closure by talking to people we’ve lost at their graves. I didn’t think he’d sneak out tonight to do it, but I understand it. He had a lot to get off his chest. You’ve got a great kid there, Lauren. Go easy on him,” his voice rumbles in his chest.
With my ear pressed against it I can hear his heart beating and his lungs breathing and his voice soothing my fears. Somehow, even just listening to Mack’s body serving the most basic of functions, keeping him alive, calms my frayed nerves and makes me want to stay in his arms forever.
“I have to go talk to him,” I murmur into his shirt, but instead of walking away I wrap my arms around Mack’s waist. Everything feels so far away. The pain of losing Joel. The heartache of watching Chris lash out. My job. The world. It’s all so distant as I just listen to Mack’s heart.
“Of course, that’s because you’re a great Mom, Lauren. Go ahead, just remember that he’s still fragile.”
“I know.” It’s true. My son has become the king of cool in the last year, never shedding a tear, always ready with a smart remark. I could see how close to the surface his emotions were when he walked in. “I’ll be back in a bit. I’m just gonna say goodnight to him.” I manage to drop my arms from Mack’s waist and my eyes flutter closed as he leans over me and softly kisses my forehead.
“I would expect nothing less,” he smiles down at me and lets me go. Instantly the agony of the world feels closer. I feel less protected from it all. Like a wound with a band aid ripped off too soon. A shiver runs through me and I rub my hands down my arms.
“I’ll be right back. Thank you for bringing him home.” I kiss Mack quickly and then run up the stairs before my body has a chance to destroy what’s left of my rational brain with it’s desires.
I rap my knuckles lightly on Chris’s open door, he’s still awake.
“Hey,” my voice is soft, the sheer panic I was feeling earlier was washed away by Mack’s embrace. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” Chris nods at me and I cross the floor, sitting lightly on the edge of his bed.
“Mom, I’m sorry I snuck to the grave.” Chris sits up and looks at me with eyes so sad I instantly choke up.