"I used to be in a band, too," he said, smiling sheepishly.
"Yeah? What'd you play?"
"I was a bassist," he said. "I was decent, I guess. But I gave it up after a while."
"It happens," I said. "It's hard to make a living as a musician. Until I got signed with Altador, I had to have real jobs, working in coffee shops and bars."
That had been a tough time in my life. Of course, this stage of my life came with its own challenges, but back then, it had been hard to have faith in myself, to keep pushing. There were times I found myself spinning my wheels, wondering whether or not it was all worth it.
"None of the others know you're a shifter, right?" he asked.
"Nope. Even though we've become close, I wouldn't dream of breaking my promise to my pack. I also feel like it would be a nightmare if it got out somehow. I don't want to make my PR team deal with that." I laughed.
"Fair enough. What about Tony, though? He gives me some odd vibes."
I looked right at Xander. "I'm glad you mentioned that. It was driving me nuts because I didn't have anyone else to discuss it with. I've gotten the same vibes off of Tony."
"I mean, he's very likely a shifter, but he's not a wolf. If he was, then we'd smell it," said Xander contemplatively.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was another kind of shifter entirely. Like a fox, or a coyote, or something," I said, keeping my voice low. I didn't want any curious humans picking up on our conversation. I already drew too much attention to myself when I went out in public.
"Are you kidding me?" said Xander, incredulous.
"I mean, you heard about the arrest of Golden, right?" I asked. "The lion shifter?"
"You believe that?" he asked.
"Yeah, dude," I said. "My whole pack does, and so do many others I've spoken to. I mean, I know there's no real proof, except for the testimony of witnesses, but … "
He still looked skeptical.
"I mean, doesn't part of you want there to be others like us? And how would you explain Tony?" I pressed on.
He shrugged. "Tony stumps me. If he is a human, he is a very unique kind of human."
We walked on in a comfortable silence. I felt inexplicably safe around Xander, and it wasn't just because he was my bodyguard. Sure, he was being paid a lot to protect me, but I didn't know him that well yet. Our connection as fated mates gave us a sort of built-in rapport.
I wanted to bring up the possibility of us being fated mates, but I didn't want to scare him, especially when the tour was well underway. We were going to be sitting together in close quarters for the next several weeks. If I made things awkward now, I'd fuck it all up.
But the compulsion prodded me forward. I wouldn't be able to rest if I didn't have the conversation.
"Hey, Xander," I said, "did your pack ever have the legend of the fated mates?"
There, I had done it. I had released it, and now I couldn't take it back. I had set a machine in motion, and now, nothing would stop it.
He stiffened beside me as we kept walking. I wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for my shifter senses.
"Yeah," he said. "We did."
I hesitated. I hadn't thought this idea through. I had no idea what to say now to smooth over the tension that now hung between us. It had seemed so easy in my head. Thankfully, he saved me from having to respond.
"You think we're fated mates, don't you?" he asked.
"Yeah." I was suddenly feeling shy, understanding that I really didn't know the man walking next to me.
"It doesn't matter if we are," he said. "I can't do relationships."
"What? Why?"
"It doesn't matter why, either. It's just not something I want right now."
That was an obstacle I hadn't expected at all. "I can respect that, I guess," I said, but I must have sounded sour.
"You want a relationship?" he asked. He seemed surprised.
"Yeah. I want to get married and have kids and all that jazz. But I've never met anyone who made me feel like that until I met you. My fated mate." I looked up at him, my eyes wide with wonder. It was hard to believe that this was the guy I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, especially since he was being so resistant.
"I didn't think a rock star would want that kind of stability."
"I'm just a regular guy," I said, shrugging. "A regular guy that got lucky. Before I got into this life, I wanted the same kind of life everyone else wanted. But fate had a different path for me: the one that led me to you."
"Maybe we'll be right for each other later on," he said. "But not now."
His tone made it clear that he wasn't willing to talk about it more, which was fine. I wanted to respect his boundaries and avoid pushing him farther than what made him comfortable. But my heart and body yearned for him in a powerful, unfamiliar way. The compulsion was going to be hard to ignore.
I was honestly surprised by how disappointed I was. I had really wanted him, and I had built up a whole fantasy in my head about how he'd completely agree with me and want to be my partner immediately. It hadn't occurred to me that he wouldn't be ready.
I was crushed. I'd have to give myself some space before the concert, otherwise I'd completely screw it up. My lyrics were so personal and emotional that I had to be careful and keep myself in a good headspace before shows.
We eventually made our way back to the hotel, small talking about the band and Lake City. I didn't bring up the fated mates thing again, and I didn't dare to. He was the Alpha, and I was the Omega, so it was his responsibility to make the first move, if he even wanted to. I had put the ball in his court.
It was also worth remembering that Alphas didn't like pushy Omegas. Alphas were always the dominant ones in relationships, so they didn't like it when Omegas took too much initiative. It was pretty much always taboo for an Omega to ask an Alpha out or initiate sex. Some Alphas even considered it emasculating. I personally thought that was going a little too far, but then, what did I know?
Joel and Jareo were back at the hotel room as well. We hadn't been able to book a suite on such short notice, but it was still spacious and comfortable, and Michael and Xander would be just a couple of rooms down, in their own spaces. Michael always asked me if I wanted a private room, but I liked being with the other guys. It felt like a sleepover.
This time, though, I had to admit that I had been entertaining certain fantasies about Xander. I wanted to be with him, in his own room, instead of with my band mates, who could be boisterous. To be curled up in bed with Xander, in the clean, white sheets of the hotel, the skyline of the city lit up in the window …
It sounded like paradise.
But it seemed like paradise was not going to happen tonight. I sighed and went to the bathroom to freshen up. I made sure my hair looked perfect, too. Part of my appeal was supposedly my fashion sense-at least, that's what the folks at Altador told me-so I made sure to look good whenever I stepped outside.
We decided to order in for food. I started to get into my meditative state-the same state I always got into before any performance. I became quieter and calmer as I tried to psych myself up. Before the actual performance, I would sit and do some actual meditation to prepare myself for the intensity of the music.
"It's about time to head over," said Michael, checking his watch.
We piled into the van and the driver brought us to the venue. Ice Company was smaller than any venue we had performed at in recent memory. In fact, it reminded me of the venues I had played at back in my hometown. I immediately relaxed, realizing that there were going to be fewer people and dimmer lights. We could even throw more acoustic versions into the mix.
Xander would have to keep an eye out for superfans, though. Because this venue was little more than a bar with a stage set up, people would be able to access me easily. There wouldn't be the same barrier that there would be at a larger venue. I'd have to keep my eye out, too.
The place was packed, just as I expected. I wasn't sure if it was because of the social media blasts Candy had done earlier, or if it was because there had been a show here earlier. I wanted to think it was the former. There was no point playing a secret show if people weren't enthusiastic.
I looked around the bar. It appeared to be a reconstructed industrial building, with old, wood-paneled walls and Edison lighting. The clientele was a little older and hipper. They didn't seem like the typical kind of fans I saw at larger shows.
After I did some deep breathing, hidden away in a corner, I felt ready to perform. The band finished tuning up, and I took the stage. The crowd clapped politely, though some people cheered.
"I hope you all enjoy the surprise we've brought you tonight," I said. "You're lucky you're getting to see us at this secret show. Thank you to Ice Company for taking us for tonight!"