I glanced at Xander. "We should look a little more, probably," he said, shrugging.
"We'll keep looking for her," I said. My voice cracked.
"Okay. You should visit the city police soon, too. We'll do our absolute best, Mr. Jackson," said the officer. "I know this is extraordinarily difficult, and I have no idea what you're going through. But we'll do everything we can to help."
Xander and I thanked her again and left. I was almost feeling lightheaded. I couldn't believe this was happening; there was no way it was real. I knew kids got abducted all the time, but it was one of those things where I never thought it would happen to me. I wanted to scream.
"We can't give up hope," said Xander. "We have to keep looking."
"Of course we aren't going to give up hope," I said. "We'll keep looking forever."
But as much as we walked around the zoo, yelling frantically for our baby girl and attracting the stares of passers-by (many of whom recognized me, but were too put off by my behavior to approach me), we couldn't find her. I had the sinking suspicion that if she had been kidnapped, she would be long gone by now. If I were them, I wouldn't have stuck around.
"I should call and tell Michael about this, too," I said glumly. We had lost much of our energy and were wandering the trails like zombies, aimless. I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw other toddlers with their parents. Why had it happened to me?
"Hello?" said Michael.
"Hey. So, Zoey has been kidnapped. I think."
"What? Oh my God, Kade, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah."
"You went to the police?"
"We were at the zoo when it happened, so we went to zoo security. They've passed the information on to the police, though we'll have to follow up with them ourselves."
"Kade, I don't know what to say. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. And please keep me updated."
"Thanks, Michael. Will do."
And on top of this, I had to deliver the demos within a week, unless Michael managed to finagle more time from the label with this news. I wouldn't have any time to work on them; I'd be so consumed by the search for Zoey. How could I do any work while my baby girl was out there, lost and afraid and alone?
"I guess we should head to the station, then," said Xander.
We caught a cab and went right there. They recognized us. There was a somber mood over the whole station when we walked in.
Unfortunately, it turned out that there wasn't that much new that we could do. We related the story to them again and provided detailed descriptions of the lady and photos of Zoey. The officers there promised us that they were on it, and while I wanted to trust them, because they were the police, after all, the whole thing just seemed impossible. She had vanished into thin air.
When we got home, I cried. And to my surprise, Xander cried too. Neither of us had any appetite, nor did we want to talk much, especially not with all of Zoey's toys and clothes and other accessories strewn around the house. I couldn't stop crying; I felt like I was trying to fill the void in my heart with tears, but it wasn't working one bit.
We curled up that night largely unable to sleep. My mind was racing with horrible thoughts about what could have happened to Zoey and nightmare scenarios of a future without her. Would Xander and I even be able to stay together? I had heard that sometimes, relationships didn't survive the loss of a child …
And then, as I lay in bed, a horrible thought occurred to me. Zoey was too young to be able to properly control her shifting. She was liable to sprout a tail or snout or paws at any time, and I already knew that the woman at the zoo had been a human.
This just added another layer of panic to what I was going through. At least, the shifters on the police force would have thought of this, so we didn't have to worry about it happening with them. But if it happened while Zoey was with her captors, we'd have more problems to worry about.
I nearly wanted to cry all over again, but I had run out of tears. As much as I wanted this wretched day to be over, I didn't want to wake up to a day without Zoey. My heart tormented with pain, I managed to fall asleep eventually.
8
Xander
I didn't know what the meaning of pain was until we lost Zoey. Of course, I blamed myself. I should have been watching her, even when Kade had been accosted by the fan. I should have noticed that he was distracted, and I should have kept a more watchful eye on Zoey. We shouldn't have let her go up closer to the glass, no matter how much she pouted …
I felt tears prickle the corner of my eyes. I hadn't ever been the kind of guy who cried. I didn't have much to cry about. Even when my ex had cheated on me, I hadn't shed a tear. I had just walled up my emotions, broken up with him, and tried to move on. I hadn't bawled like this since I was Zoey's age.
Even the loss of a child could break an Alpha down.
"So, the record label said that I could take some time," said Kade, hanging up the phone, "but they didn't sound happy. I think they really want this album, for some reason."
"That sucks," I said.
"Yeah. Maybe the Cinders tour did better than they expected, so they want new material to milk." He sat down on the couch and rested his head in his hands, staring at the floor.
I sat down next to him and held him in my arms again. At least I had him, and no one could take him away from me. That was one thing I could count on. I rubbed his back in a gentle, soothing pattern, as much to comfort him as myself.
"I was thinking," I started quietly, surprised at myself. Where was I going with this train of thought? "I was thinking we could try looking for her ourselves."
"What?" asked Kade, looking up at me, perplexed.
"I'm serious. We're wolves. We can smell amazingly well. What if we tried scenting her out?" I started to get excited as I considered the idea. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be better than doing nothing and hoping the police managed to find her.
"How are we even going to know where to start?" asked Kade, gloominess permeating his voice.
"Maybe the police will share their information with us," I said, knowing as soon as I said it that that was never going to happen.
"Maybe," said Kade. "I feel like I should have some contacts who would be able to help us out, but I'm not able to come up with anyone."
We sat there in silence. I knew the idea wasn't that feasible. Lake City was an enormous area, and the suburbs were dense, too. There were several million people who called the region their home. We could look for years and still not find her.
Kade's phone suddenly rang again. Startled, he picked it up and took it to another room. I could see his brows knitted together. He was nodding and frowning and becoming increasingly more agitated. I turned my attention back to the window, looking outside at the leaves starting to whirl through the air. Autumn was in full swing.
Several minutes later, Kade returned from his call. "So, Michael talked to the execs again and he said that they're considering dropping me if this next album doesn't do as well as Flames."
I grumbled. "Why'd he have to tell you that now? It's thoughtless."
"I'm glad he did. I don't want him to shield me from all of that. I have to know what's going on." Still, he didn't look happy at all.
"I guess it kinda goes with your idea of starting a solo project after completing a trilogy," I mused.
"I guess. I'm glad I invested my royalties, instead of spending it all. I won't be completely screwed." Kade stared out the window too, his eyes piercing. "It'll suck, though, to be kicked off the label. It's like getting fired. I mean, I guess I could try one of the indies."
"There you go," I said.
"But I don't have enough indie cred. I've been too big for too long." He sighed. "Well, there's no point worrying about all of that now. I have to meet up with the guys so we can get this damn thing out the door."
I hesitated. "Can I come?"
He looked at me. I usually never came to practices, but I didn't feel like being alone in the house, surrounded by the smells of Zoey and the memories of her laughter. "Of course," he said. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you by yourself right now."
"Thanks," I replied, relieved.
We stepped out and took a cab to Joel's place, Kade's guitar in tow, as well as a big binder full of his notes and songs. While I was largely consumed with thoughts of Zoey, a small part of me was excited to look in on a practice.
"Hey," said Joel when he opened the door. His normally cheerful, wry expression was totally lifeless. He knew about the kidnapping.
"Hey," said Kade.
We went inside to find that all the other guys were gathered in Joel's kitchen, munching on various snacks. The most striking thing about Joel's house, apart from the fact that it was one of those old money brownstones, was that it was totally unkempt. Food wrappers littered the floor and there was a slight rank smell in the air. I hoped that the basement, where they practiced, would be in better condition.