I decided to change the subject. “So, we're just going to drive around the city until we find something that looks good?”
He shook his head. “You should know better than that. I always have a backup plan.”
Of course he did.
Several minutes later, we pulled into a parking space in front of a classy-looking restaurant I'd never heard of.
“A friend of mine recommended the place,” Tanner said as he opened my door. He held out a hand. “He said they have these meals that you order to share. It lets you try all sorts of new things.”
The inside was absolutely gorgeous. Lights everywhere, but still keeping a warm, close ambiance. I liked it, and even as I thought it, I wondered if X would like it too. I pushed the thought away. I was here with Tanner, and even if I hadn't been, it wasn't like X would ever come here with me. I'd been trying to help him accept himself, but I knew he was a long time away from being comfortable enough to go out in public, especially to a place like this. Maybe, in the winter, he'd be okay with going outside because he could cover his scars and not look out of place, but I was pretty sure he wouldn't be venturing out anytime soon.
Shit. I mentally cursed myself. I needed to stop thinking about X. Even if Tanner and I were only here as friends, it was rude to think about another man. Even if he was just a friend too.
The hostess led us to a table on the top floor and put us in a secluded corner. She gave me a polite smile, and then a warmer one to Tanner. Even though we were only here as friends, he didn't even look at her twice. Not that I expected anything different. He was always like that. Totally focused on me whenever we were together.
Once, during one of our first trips to Black Masque, he and I were walking through the crowd when a woman approached us. She was wearing a sheer dress with barely anything underneath. Well, that and an attitude. For a Sub she'd been surprisingly aggressive. She'd wanted Tanner, and had made no apologies for it.
Actually, that wasn't exactly accurate. She apologized after Tanner made it clear that he wasn't interested in her, and that her behavior was out of line. She was absolutely gorgeous, and he could've behaved like some Doms did and used her attraction. Hell, some Doms would've taken her into a room with their Sub for a threesome, or, at least, part of a lesson.
Not Tanner. He wasn't like that.
We spent the next few minutes looking over the menu and discussing what we thought looked good. After placing our order, the waiter took our menus and left us to talk.
Conversation flowed easily enough between us, but I knew Tanner was purposefully steering the topics to the stuff he knew we could talk about without getting too personal. Or, at least, relationship-level personal.
The problem was, every question, every statement, made me think of X. Not because either of us said anything about him. We didn't even get close. But it all reminded me of him anyway.
Tanner was sweet and polite, never saying anything that pushed me at all. And that was the way he was. Even when he was dominating, he never had an edge.
X had an edge.
Even though we'd only been using the Dom / Sub roles as a way of addressing his issues, I could tell that he'd carry that edge into any future relationship. Trust would need to be earned on both sides, and I never doubted he'd stop if anyone ever needed to use their safe word, but he was the kind of man who made me glad that safe words existed. I was sure he'd always been fairly intimidating, but what happened to him had changed him, and even if he didn't lose himself completely, he'd still have a darkness that hadn't existed before.
I forced my attention back to Tanner. I was supposed to be having dinner with a friend. A friend who wanted us to date again. I needed to be thinking about that. My life was complicated enough without adding anything else in.
I managed to keep my mind on the conversation until our meals came. Then, as we ate and commented on the food and wine, I found my thoughts drifting again, thinking about the kind of place X would take me on a date. Or not take me.
I could actually see X being someone who'd try a different sort of date with a girl he wanted to impress. Like star gazing or ice skating. Not dinner in a fancy restaurant. Not that I wasn't enjoying the meal, but X would've done something to surprise me, challenge me.
“Dammit,” I muttered.
“Nori?”
I looked up to see Tanner watching me with a concerned expression on his face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Just need to use the restroom.” Before he could say anything else, I stood and hurried toward the stairs.
Once in the safety of the bathroom, I gave myself permission to close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I had to get ahold of myself. I had to stop thinking about X. I owed Tanner more than just a courtesy date. I told him that I needed time, and that meant I needed to give him the courtesy of giving him time as well.