What I did know was that sitting here and obsessing over it wouldn’t help at all.
I pushed myself to my feet and decided that the best course of action would be to take a long, hot bath and try not to think about anything. Clearing my mind would hopefully let me come back to the problem later without any of the emotions currently clouding my judgment.
I went into the bathroom and started running water in the tub. Father O'Toole had bought one of those gift basket things for me as a thank you for at least trying, so I rummaged through it for the rose-scented bubble bath. I hadn't indulged in a bubble bath in years, but this seemed like a good time to do it.
I'd soak until the water got cold, I decided, and then I'd put on my most comfortable pajamas and curl up in bed with a good book. Hopefully, that'd allow me to get to sleep, and then I'd deal with the rest of this tomorrow.
I only hoped that I'd be able to come up with a solution. I just wished I had someone I could bounce ideas off of. Since there was absolutely no way in hell I would ever tell my parents about any of this, even if I wanted to talk to my mom, I couldn't. And the person I'd gone to originally was off the table as well. I knew that Tanner hadn't approved of what I intended to do. Telling him that X kissed me – and that I kissed him back – would be proof that he was right.
I wasn't the sort of person who had to be right all the time, but about this, I really wanted to be. It was a big part of why I didn't want to go back to Texas. I didn't want to prove everyone else right by admitting that this was a mistake. I wanted this to be an atonement for what I hadn't been able to do for Logan. I needed it to be.
I just didn't know how.
I was still mulling it over when X knocked at my door. I knew it had to be him even though he hadn't said a word. We were alone in the house. I briefly considered not answering, but I knew I had to face up to what I'd done.
I turned off the water and tied my dress more securely around my waist. I took a slow breath and went back into the bedroom just as he knocked a second time.
Chapter Seven
Xavier
Oh shit!
Shit!
The word stuck in a loop in my head as I watched Nori run from the room. Okay, so she wasn't really running, but she wasn't exactly strolling either. It was clear she wanted to get as far away from me as possible, as quickly as possible.
And I couldn't blame her.
What a fucking idiot! What was I thinking? Except I knew what I'd been thinking, and it had nothing to do with common sense or logic.
From the moment she'd walked in the room, I'd wanted to kiss her. Hell, I was pretty sure I'd wanted to kiss her from the first time I'd seen her. If not that exact moment, then only because of the pain I'd been in. It had definitely been before I'd left the hospital.
It hadn't been too difficult to restrain myself there, since I'd known she'd never see me outside a hospital bed. I'd leave and never see her again. Then she'd shown up here, and I'd tried focusing on anything but her. I didn't want to see her think of me as an invalid, as someone who needed to be babysat. Then she'd suggested this whole crazy Dom / Sub idea, and everything had changed. She wanted to help me feel like a man again, to get some part of my life back.
When she'd walked in tonight, I tried to remind myself that we weren't going to have sex, that this wasn't about any sort of physical pleasure. It was about teaching me things I could use sexually in the future if I wanted, letting me have control over at least one part of my life again.
When she started following the orders I'd given, I wasn’t able to deny that it'd been a heady feeling. I hadn't planned on having her untie her dress, but the order had just come out, as if I wanted to keep pushing until she told me to stop. But she'd done it, and I hadn't been able to keep my eyes to myself.
It'd thrown me off, and not only because of how gorgeous she was. I'd suddenly been aware of how the two of us would look together. Out in public. Where people could see us. Definitely a beauty and her beast. That was why, I knew, it'd been easy for her to do this without sex. She wouldn't even be tempted by me.
I tried to walk away then, save us both the embarrassment of the situation, but she stopped me. I'd reacted on instinct, and the moment I'd taken her hand and put it on my cheek, I'd known that I was about to do something reckless and stupid.
I'd felt her surprise when I kissed her, then felt her yield. It was my turn to be surprised then, but it hadn't kept me from using it to my advantage. Her lips had been so soft under mine, her nails wonderfully sharp against my scalp.
It was everything I imagined it could be. Better, actually. Easily one of the best kisses I'd ever experienced.
When she moved away from me, I'd seen the horrified expression on her face. That was enough to keep me frozen in place while she hurried out. Now, I was staring at the empty doorway and trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. How I could fix this.