Alpha Male Romance(61)

He stood, the move more graceful than it was earlier this week. I could only imagine how he'd moved before the accident.

“Did Tanner let you look at him?”

I supposed I should've seen that coming. After all, I was the one who used my relationship with Tanner as an example.

“It depended on the situation,” I answered honestly. “Some people need the Dom / Sub relationship to be on all the time. Inside the bedroom, outside the bedroom. Every time they have sex. That's something else you'll need to decide. How much this is going to become a part of your life.”

“So it didn't cross into your real life?” X asked.

This was starting to get to be too much about me and not enough about him and his decisions. But my own experiences with Tanner were all I had to rely on, which meant I didn't have much of a choice when it came to answering his questions, not if I wanted this to work.

“No,” I said. “Giving over control to Tanner was my escape from real life. When things got to be too much, with my family or work or whatever, I always knew I could go to him and not have to worry about anything, for a while anyway.”

Dammit. I hadn't meant to say quite so much. This wasn't supposed to get that personal.

“It's about you,” I said. “What you need.”

“But I thought a Dom was supposed to focus on what his or her Sub needs.”

At least he was paying attention.

“Not at the expense of themselves,” I explained. “You have to discover what you need, and then find a Sub whose needs match your own. You complement each other.”

“And that's what happened with you and him?”

I nodded. “It is.”

I could still remember the first time Tanner told me what he was, what he thought I could be. It'd been awkward, of course, but underneath all of that had been something else. Something that it'd taken me a while to identify, and even longer to admit.

Relief.

Relief that I wasn't the only one who had that part inside, that hidden place that harbored desires that we felt others wouldn't understand. I hadn't needed to be ashamed of what I felt, what I wanted, anymore.

“Tanner and I met when I was in college,” I spoke without realizing I was going to. “I told you before that about six months after we started dating, he told me that if we were going to be taking things seriously, there was something he had to discuss with me. He started by saying he'd seen something in me, and he was right.”

“Is that what happened with me?” X's voice was low. “Did you see something in me?”

Shit. This wasn’t going the way I thought it would. I needed to get things back on track before we became too entangled to be able to keep things clear between us.

But still...

“Yes,” I answered simply and truthfully. “I saw something in you. I see something in you.”

He took a step toward me and I had to fight to keep from backing up. Things were quickly spiraling down a path I knew we couldn't take. I needed to do something to get us away from where we were and on to where we needed to be.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

I dropped to my knees and ducked my head, my hands behind my back.

“This is the position most Subs assume while waiting for their Dom to begin.” My pulse was racing. “Unless it's something you've discussed with your Sub, she'll assume this or a similar position, and wait for your permission to speak or move.”

“Permission?” His voice was hoarse, and I wondered what he was thinking.

“Tonight, we'll focus on permission to touch.” I didn't look up, but I did allow myself a quirk of a smile. “It doesn't make much sense to wait for permission to talk when I have to explain things but know that's always a choice you have. What she can say, what she can't. Even if she can make any noise at all.”

My stomach clenched at the memories of the times Tanner had restricted my sound and speech, sometimes with a gag, sometimes relying on my own control. The punishments that had come when I failed had been just as delicious.

There was a long minute of silence and then X spoke. “Stand up.”

There was no hesitation in his voice, and while I knew that confidence would probably wane a bit in a few minutes, at that moment, I knew I was right. He was a Dom.

I stood, but kept my head down, wanting to see what he'd do next.

“Look at me.”

When I raised my head, he was looking down at me, his eyes dark as they slid down my body. I shivered, unable to stop myself. I could almost feel his gaze, and I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like when he finally touched me.

I shoved the thought aside. He would touch me, but not like that.

He gestured toward the tie of my dress. “Untie it.”