I wanted her.
Nori.
I wanted the woman who was willing to put her career and her reputation on the line just to help me.
She wanted to do this for me, wanted to give me control because she thought it would give me something to live for. I didn't know about that, but I did know that I was thinking a lot less about giving up because of her.
“X?”
Right. She asked me a question.
“Agreed.”
Chapter Five
Nori
It was going better than I'd anticipated. When I first come into the living room and seen X standing at the window, I had a moment of pure panic where I was sure this had been the worst decision I'd ever made.
Then I saw the way his eyes lit up for a split second, and I knew I was right. If anything was going to work, it was this.
I just had to remind myself of the rules first.
Once I finished giving X the run-down of the details he'd need to know, as well as the limits we were setting for the interactions between us, I asked if he had any questions.
“Are there any other terms I need to know?”
I almost frowned, but it wasn't because of how matter-of-fact his tone was. It was because I just now noticed that he wasn't looking at me. We might need to discuss eye contact at some point, but right now, I didn't mind much. It made it easier to remember that this wasn't a real thing.
“I can't think of any,” I said. “But if I say anything you don't understand, ask. That's part of the trust factor. You have to know that the person you're with isn't going to do something that could hurt themselves, or you. So if there's ever any doubt, ask.”
He nodded. “What about any of the...?”
I caught a hint of a blush.
“The stuff that couples use.” He finished his sentence. “I mean, I know the stuff like handcuffs and ropes and stuff like that, but how am I supposed to know a hard or soft limit if I don't know what something is?”
The fact that he was looking toward having a time when he would need to know those things told me we were already off to a good start. I ignored the twist of my stomach at the thought of him looking toward that with someone else. I had no right to think about him like that.
“If it comes up, we'll discuss it,” I said. “But a lot of those sorts of terms – like the difference between a flogger and a crop – you can look up.”
“Yeah, that'll be something to explain to the father if he gets on my computer,” X muttered.
A laugh burst out of me, almost as much from surprise as actual humor, though the image was amusing enough. “Just remember to erase your history and cookies.”
He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. “Are you seriously telling me how to hide that I've been looking at porn?”
I laughed again. I didn't know what prompted this side of him to begin to emerge, but whatever it was, I hoped we could keep it going. “Let's just say that I had a fairly nosy roommate the first year Tanner and I were together.”
This time, he laughed and my stomach clenched at the sound. I'd never heard it before, but I definitely wanted to hear it again.
“Can I ask something a bit more personal?” He looked away from me again.
“More personal than us discussing porn?” I asked wryly. “Go for it.”
“What does your boyfriend think of all this?”
Okay, not the question I thought he'd ask, but a legitimate one, I had to admit. “Ex,” I reminded him. “Ex-boyfriend. Tanner and I broke up shortly before I left Philadelphia.”
Before I could read too much into his question, or give him time to ask another one, I stood.
“Tonight is going to be about you.” My carefully prepared speech ran through my head. I knew that I'd need to plan something or I'd lose myself in the moment. “To be a good Dom, you need to know yourself.”
He leaned forward slightly, his fingers laced together in front of him. It was the first time I'd seen him touching any of his scar tissue without any outward sign of self-consciousness. He didn't even seem to realize he was doing it, and I hoped that meant he was already beginning to become comfortable with his body.
I continued, “This means knowing more than just what positions you enjoy.”
I tried very hard not to think about the different ways I could have sex with X.
Him on top of me, traditional missionary, my legs around his waist.
Me on top of him, riding him as I looked down, my nails digging into the hard muscle of his chest.
Me on all fours with him kneeling behind me, hands on my hips as he pounded into me from behind.
Fuck. This was going to be harder than I thought.
I kept going, grateful that X couldn't see what I was thinking. “You need to know what your own hard and soft limits are, and not just for sexual acts. You need to know how much touching you want to allow. How much eye contact.” I forced my eyes to meet his. “Some Doms never want their Subs to look them in the eye. You need to know how much you’re comfortable with.”