“You look nice,” I said, well aware that the statement was clearly inadequate, but it was all I could manage at the moment. If I told her what I really thought, I knew she'd turn around and walk away.
I should have wanted that, I knew, but I didn't.
One side of her mouth tipped up. “Not so bad yourself.”
I appreciated the compliment even though I knew it was only by comparison to how I normally looked. I'd showered and shaved, made sure I had clean clothes to wear. I couldn't do anything about the scars, but I'd tried to make myself as presentable as possible.
I scratched the back of my head, just now realizing how long my hair had gotten. “What do we do now?”
Nori came into my living room and looked around. The curtains were already pulled across the window, just like they were every time I came in here. The second floor should've been too high for anyone to see in, but I didn't want to risk it.
She glanced at me and then gestured toward the couch. “Let's sit.”
I gave her a puzzled look but didn't say anything. She might've been coming to teach me about being a Dom, but right now, she was running the show. I sat at one end and tried not to be disappointed when she sat at the other, a full cushion between us.
“Before we do anything,” she said, her voice even. “There are some things that need to be discussed.”
Great. Talking. That's exactly what I wanted to do.
She chuckled and I raised an eyebrow in question.
“Don't worry, X. It's not like I'm going to be asking you to share your feelings or anything like that. Relax.”
I must've looked as surprised as I felt because she smiled.
“You get this look on your face,” she said. “Did you know that? This expression when you don't want to do something.”
I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about her being able to read me so well. “I'll keep that in mind.”
“When you're in a relationship with a Dom or a Sub, you have to be able to discuss things, even if it's just a short talk,” she said. “Obviously, how detailed it gets depends on whether you're just hooking up or if you're getting involved in an actual relationship. You set up a safe word. It can be anything, but usually not 'no' or 'stop' because that can be...well, you don't always mean it.”
“So, what, it's something like 'apples? '”
Her eyes sparkled when she smiled. “If you want. Just as long as it's not something you'd normally yell out in bed.”
The image hit me so hard I almost swore.
Nori, naked, on my bed, legs spread wide, screaming my name while I pounded into her.
Oh, fuck.
“Mine's 'ruby.'” Nori was still talking, which I took to mean she hadn't noticed my momentary lapse in attention.
Or the fact that my cock was much harder than it should've been considering I wasn't getting laid tonight.
“Can I use red?” I blurted out the question in an attempt to get the picture of her out of my head.
She nodded. “That's a common one, so it's a good choice. You probably won't be needing one, but it's always good to have one just in case.”
“Okay, so safe words, got it.” I shifted in my seat.
“You also need to know if your partner has what are called soft or hard limits. Basically, that means things they aren't willing to do. Soft limits mean maybe you can convince them. Hard means a definite no.”
I nodded in understanding. Seemed like common sense.
“Cuts out a lot of time stopping and starting with safe words if you know what things you're definitely not going to do.”
“What are your hard limits?” I found myself asking the question before I realized it was about to come out of my mouth.
Blood tinged her cheeks. “Since we're not having sex, I don't think that's necessary. But that does remind me that, for what we're doing, other limits need to be set.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Some of it...we're going to need to...well, touch. So we're going to go with this. Underwear stays on at all times, and if it's covered by underwear, we don't touch it.”
I swallowed hard. Disappointment and excitement mingled. Disappointment at the restrictions set in place, but excitement that I would get to see a lot more of her. And touch. Not everything, but more than just her hand. I'd be allowed to feel her skin against my palm, perhaps run my fingers through her hair.
“Agreed?”
My eyes snapped over to hers. I'd been staring over her shoulder, trying not to picture her body beneath mine. I knew this was a bad idea, especially after that dream I'd had. But I'd wanted what she offered. I still did. I wanted to have control back in my life, in some way.
More than that, I wanted her.
I couldn't lie to myself or try to brush it off as plain lust. It wasn't just because she was beautiful, or that she was sweet. I didn't want her simply because I hadn't had sex in more than three months. Any woman could've offered me that sort of release. But I didn't want any woman.