This year, however, I didn't want anything to do with it. I still appreciated the sacrifices that had been made, and I didn't hold any anger toward the army for what happened to me since it hadn't been their fault, but I didn't want to think about the military at all.
That, I knew, was the real problem.
I wasn't dumb enough to think that if I'd received the same injuries while overseas I wouldn't have had issues with anger and depression. Hell, I might've been angry with the army then, but I liked to think that I would've seen it as the sort of sacrifice I'd signed up to make.
What happened hadn't been a part of the deal though. Dying or being injured for my country, no matter what my feelings were about the war itself, was something I knew could happen.
Getting caught in an explosion while trying to save a pedophile...that hadn't been in the cards.
I tried not to think about what I would've done if I'd known what the man was. The kid, that was a no-brainer. But the man. That was different. Even my father, bastard that he was, hadn't molested my sister or me. Personally, I tended to think that the punishment should fit the crime and abusers should suffer the exact same horrors they'd inflicted on others. I knew that if I ever met my father again, I fully intended to beat the shit out of him. At least I knew that child molester was probably getting what he deserved.
Sultan Rush.
That was the asshole's name.
He'd been arrested before for exposing himself to children, as well as inappropriate contact with a minor, but neither charge had gotten him more than a slap on the wrist. A couple boys in his apartment building had made complaints, but there'd never been enough evidence against him for an arrest.
Now there was plenty of evidence and a victim who was courageous enough to testify.
If I'd known who Sultan was, I might not have gone back into that building for him. It wouldn't have prevented him from hurting that boy. That had already been done. But if I hadn't gone back inside, if I hadn't told anyone that another person was in the building, maybe the paramedics wouldn't have found Sultan Rush in time.
Then, instead of him sitting in jail, waiting for trial, he'd be dead in his personal crematorium. Now, there was the possibility that a jury could find him not-guilty, or that he'd serve only a partial sentence before being released. If I hadn’t rescued him, he'd have lingered in agony, slowly slipping away until he finally gave it up.
He deserved all that and more.
No matter how bad I thought I was, no matter what I felt like I deserved because of my past, there were still people way worse. Rush was one of those people.
If I’d been injured saving the kid, maybe I wouldn't have had so much anger. That would've been worth it. His life would've been worth any sacrifice. But to lose so much for someone like Rush...
I turned away from the living room window and tried not to rub at my arm. Worst part about any healing injury. Itched like a son of a bitch.
It was also a good distraction from thinking about what was supposed to happen in a couple of hours. And that was a distraction from what today was.
Which, I assumed, was exactly why Nori had chosen our first session to be today.
Session.
The word almost made me laugh. It sounded like I was about to talk to a shrink, not dabbling in some kinky S&M shit.
I was still trying to wrap my head around all of it. Nori being into sex that was definitely not the vanilla kind. Her offer to teach me.
Without sex.
I'd needed to remind myself of that ever since she made the offer.
She planned to show me certain aspects of that world, but we weren't going to have sex.
That was for the best, I told myself. In the past, I had no problem having sex without an emotional connection, but that was only because I picked up women I didn't know. I'd never had a friend with benefits or anyone like that. Nori and I were friends, or at least, I hoped we were. With Zed gone, she was pretty much the only friend I had aside from Father O'Toole, and he was more mentor than companion.
I didn't want to lose that. Even though a part of me still wanted to push her away and give in to the hopelessness that nearly choked me at times, her refusal to walk away gave me something that wasn't quite hope, but it was close. Close enough that I was willing to not push the issue of sex, no matter how badly I wanted her.
“X.”
I almost jumped. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard her approach. I turned, hoping I looked far more casual than I felt.
“Hey.”
My eyes widened slightly when I saw what she was wearing. It was far from provocative, but it definitely wasn't the scrubs or even jeans and t-shirt I'd become used to seeing on her. Instead, she was wearing a wrap-around dress, the kind that cinched with a tie at the waist. It looked like cotton rather than silk but still showed off her curves. A deep green, it suited her coloring, and it wasn't the usual red, white, and blue fare that most would be wearing today.