Alpha Male Romance(56)

“Are things going any better?” he asked.

“They are,” I said, knowing he could hear the hesitation in my voice. “How are you doing?”

“Good,” he said easily. “I went to Black Masque last night and people were asking about you. Wished you would've let us say goodbye.”

I knew it wasn't a dig at me, but I felt guilty nonetheless. I should've told him I was leaving Texas. We were friends, and we had a history together. Four years was nothing to sneeze at, even if we weren't romantically involved anymore. The fact that I felt no jealousy at all thinking about Tanner having spent last night with another woman was proof enough that we'd been right to end things. I actually hoped he enjoyed himself. I wasn't going to ask for details though.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you,” I said.

“It's okay.”

“No, it's not. You're my friend. I should've told you.”

There was a moment of silence. “Thank you.”

“If I decide to stay here, I'll have to come back for the rest of my things. I'll come see you then.”

“We'll have a party. Invite some friends.” He was using that final tone he sometimes used when we were together, the one that meant it was pointless to argue. Then his voice shifted. “I'm guessing you didn't just call to chat about the weather or my social life.”

“I didn't,” I admitted. I hesitated for a moment, knowing he wasn't going to like what I was about to say. “I called to ask you about...well, about being a Dom.”

I could almost feel his surprise. I'd never expressed any interest in being a switch – someone who enjoyed both domination and submission. Despite the control I appreciated having in my everyday life, I'd only ever been a Sub sexually.

“Can I ask why?”

I figured the band-aid method was the best way to do this. “Because I want to teach someone how to be one.”

Silence.

I didn't speak, waiting for Tanner to process what I'd said. I'd always been a patient person to begin with, and my time with Tanner had made me even more so.

“The soldier.”

I could've lied, but I'd never lied to Tanner. That had always been part of the reason we worked. He was the one person I never had to lie to. So I didn't now. “Yes.”

“Please explain.”

The words were polite, but I knew Tanner well enough to know that he was holding back his opinion.

“He's struggling.” I chose my words carefully. I didn't want to betray X's trust, but I knew Tanner wouldn't help me unless he understood my reasoning. And I needed his help. If I wasn't careful, this could go very wrong.

“And you think that will help him?” Again, no judgment.

“I think that the accident, the scars, losing his place in the army, has left him feeling like he's less than a man, that he's lost all of his control.” I kept my voice low, though I doubted X would be able to hear me. “I can't make it so that the accident didn't happen. I can't fix the scars or get him back into the army.”

“But you think that this will make him feel like a man, like he has control again.” Tanner made it a statement rather than a question.

“I do.” I made sure I sounded even more certain than I was.

“Do you think sex is the right way to go?”

“I'm not planning to have sex with him,” I said quickly. “And I told him that. We're not going to go there. I'm not stupid, Tanner.”

“I never said you were.”

I could hear him hesitate, almost weighing his next words.

“You're not stupid, Nori, but you are...emotional.” Before I could be offended, he continued, “I don't mean that in an irrational, negative sort of way. Only that you care so deeply, that it sometimes clouds your judgment.”

He didn't say that my parents were a prime example of this, but I knew he was thinking it. We'd had that discussion many times over the years. He told me more than once that I should've stood up to my parents and told them to deal with their own shit, but I'd never been able to completely turn them away.

This wasn't the same thing though.

“I know this is...inappropriate, but I can't think of any other way to get through to him.” I could hear the near-desperation in my voice. “I can't let him hurt himself, Tanner.”

“I'm assuming you're not telling the priest about your...experiment.”

“Hell no.”

Tanner chuckled and the knot inside me eased a bit. He wasn't angry. I didn't think he approved exactly, but he wasn't mad.

“Look, Tanner, I know this is weird, and not...hell, I don't even have a word for what it is or what it isn't. What I do know is that if I don't get something through that thick head of his, he's going to let himself drown in depression, and nothing will be able to pull him back.”