There was a moment of heavy silence as she waited for my brain to catch up. She wasn't the only one. My mind was refusing to process what I knew she was saying.
Lifestyle.
Dom.
In a post-50 Shades world, even most housewives knew what those two words meant.
“Yes,” she answered my unasked question. “Tanner introduced me to the real world of BDSM. He showed me what it meant to be a Dominant, and how I was a natural Submissive.”
Nori? Submissive?
Somehow, that wasn't a word that fit the woman behind me.
“It's not what most people think,” she continued. “Probably not what you're thinking.”
“You don't know what I'm thinking.” Hell, I didn't know what I was thinking.
“That I'm not some weak, mousey little girl with self-esteem issues.”
Okay, she had me on that one.
“Being a Submissive isn't about being weak,” she said. “It's about giving over control to someone.”
I was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was standing less than a foot behind me.
“Tanner taught me what it meant to truly submit, to trust someone so much that you know you don't have to worry about anything, that you know they'll take care of you.”
I'd never liked it when she'd talked about Tanner before. I really didn't like it now. The thought of someone having her so vulnerable, so trusting...
And what did all of that mean? What did it mean to be vulnerable to someone in bed? Real vulnerability, not just some emotional shit that rom-coms try to sell you.
Images flashed through my mind.
Nori blindfolded and naked.
Handcuffed and naked.
Tied up...and naked.
I closed my eyes and tried to push the images away.
“We sometimes went to a club where I saw other Doms and Subs, where I learned about that world. I was in it for almost four years.”
Four years?
I decided I must've fallen asleep at some point and this had to be some sort of weird, erotic dream. Weird because there was no way sweet, innocent Nori was into S&M.
And erotic because the idea of sweet, innocent Nori into S&M turned me on more than I cared to admit.
“I don't understand what this has to do with me.” My voice was rough, and I didn't need to look down to know that my shorts weren't doing anything to hide my erection.
The idea of Nori in any sort of sexual situation would make me hard. Thinking of her in even my vague understanding of the BDSM lifestyle was making it impossible to think straight.
I heard her take a deep breath and wondered what she was steeling herself to say next. What else could she say after that insane proclamation?
“I think you might benefit from...learning from me.”
I did turn now, shock overriding everything else. “Excuse me?”
The color that had faded from her face came back with a vengeance. “I think that learning about...I think that you could benefit from...oh, shit. I don't know how to explain it.”
“Try,” I said dryly. “Because this is getting weird.”
“Fuck,” she muttered and looked down, her fingers twisting in front of her. “I should go. This was a bad idea.”
“Nori.” I started to reach for her, then realized that probably wasn’t a good idea, especially considering the subject matter. And the fact that I was sporting a very visible hard-on. “Whatever you were thinking, you thought it was important. Just tell me.”
“I was thinking that you should be a Dom,” she blurted it out, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
I would've laughed at the gesture if I hadn't been still playing that sentence over in my head.
She thought I should be a Dom.
As in kinky sex with handcuffs and whips and leather.
Yup, definitely a weird, erotic dream. There was no other rational explanation.
“A Dominant is all about control,” she said. “And you lost control. So being a Dom would give it back. At least some of it.”
I took a step back to put a little more distance between us. If I hadn't been sure that Nori didn't have a cruel bone in her body, I would've thought she was messing with me. But all I saw on her face was sincerity. Well, that and embarrassment.
“I know this is crazy.” She was talking faster now. “But I really think getting that sense of control back would help you.”
“So you want to take me to some S&M club with a bunch of freaks that'll probably be turned on by my scars and have me order some stranger to fuck me?”
It wasn't until I saw her entire body tense that I realized what I said.
She told me something extremely personal, and I said something completely insulting.
“I didn't,” I started. “Fuck. I'm sorry, Nori. I didn't mean it that way.”
She gave me a nod, but her expression was still tight. “It's okay. Entirely my fault. I shouldn't have brought it up. It was out of line. Inappropriate.” She started to turn. “I'll call Father O'Toole and let him know that he needs to find someone to take my place.”