I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how. How was I supposed to make someone who wanted to die, want to live? I couldn't give him back his family...
And then it hit me.
A very, very, VERY bad idea.
The worst idea I could possibly have ever had in the history of bad ideas. More foolish than moving out here. Dumber than anything I'd ever done. Walking the ethical line, even if I wasn't really his nurse.
But it was the only thing I could think of that might possibly save him.
“I have an idea about how to give you back some of that control you've lost.”
His head jerked around, his eyes meeting mine.
Heat flooded my face, but it was too late to back out now.
“This is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out.”
And then I told him my very bad idea.
Continues in Dom X Vol. 3
Dom X - Volume Three
Dom X
Chapter One
Xavier
This is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out.
I considered telling Nori that nothing she could say to me would sound as crazy as the thoughts that had plagued me since the accident, but I didn't. Something about her expression, about her certainty that whatever she was thinking could help me get some control back in my life, kept me silent. That and how I knew she'd be upset if she learned exactly how dark my thoughts had gotten.
There was also the fact that her face was slowly turning bright red.
I assumed that someone in the medical profession wouldn't get embarrassed about much, so whatever was on her mind must be extremely interesting. For the first time in a long time, my curiosity was piqued. Whatever she was about to say would most likely have the possibility of distracting me, for a while at least. Since I meant what I said about not ending things because of Father O'Toole, distractions were welcome.
“This isn't exactly...ethical,” she began, her teal eyes sliding right past mine to fix somewhere over my shoulder. “But since I'm not exactly your nurse either...”
Now I was really interested.
Her expression hardened, like she'd made some sort of decision. Her gaze came back and fixed with mine. Blood rushed south. Shit. One look from her and I was harder than I’d been in months. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Have you had sex this week?”
I stared, thinking I must've misheard her. There was no way she'd just asked if I'd had sex recently.
Her face was still red, but that stubborn look on her face told me she wasn't going to let me get away with not answering.
“I know you didn't have sex when you were in the hospital.” She gave me a grin. “Unless you were hooking up with Nurse Appleton.”
The joke surprised a smile out of me. Probably my first real, genuine smile in who knew how long. “Tempting, but no hooking up with Nurse Appleton.”
Especially considering the nurse in question was probably sixty and looked like Lester Hamish, a cross-eyed drunk from Father O'Toole's old parish.
“And unless Father O'Toole was mistaken about you over this past week, you haven't left the house,” she continued. “So no sex then.”
“No.” My good mood vanished. “Not that it's any of your business.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Want to give me a minute to explain before you bite my head off?”
“Go for it,” I snapped. “Not sure how me not getting laid ever again will ever be your business, but go ahead.”
“Why won't you ever get laid again?” she asked, then her voice softened. “Because you're a monster?”
I couldn't stop myself from flinching, and I couldn't stop the wave of self-loathing that went through me.
“You said you feel like you don't have control over anything.” Her voice softened even more, but there was no pity in it. “Do you want it back? Do you want to feel like a man again?”
I swallowed hard and had to look away. Hearing her say those things...
“Shit,” she muttered. “I don't really know how to say this without just coming out and saying it.”
“Spit it out, Nori.” I turned away from her. “Just fucking say it and get out.”
For a moment, I thought I'd managed to push her away, to get her mad enough that she'd go back to Texas and her boyfriend. Then she started talking again.
“My ex-boyfriend and I were part of a...lifestyle where control was important.”
Ex-boyfriend? Ex? I was so caught on that first word that I almost missed the second word I should've been paying attention to.
Lifestyle.
What the hell was she talking about?
“When I first met Tanner, he saw something in me.”
I didn't turn to face her, but I was no longer lost in my own head. I was listening, probably harder than I'd listened to anyone lately.
“He saw a part of me that I hadn't allowed myself to see,” she continued. “And after we'd been dating for only a few weeks, he told me something about himself that he felt I needed to know if we wanted to be in a relationship. He told me that he was a Dom.”