“Bullshit.” Kipp glanced at Nori and gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”
She rolled her eyes. “If I got offended by everyone who swore around me, I'd never be able to work.” She glanced at me, but her gaze didn't hold. “Besides, I've let a few slip myself, thanks to problem patients.”
Kipp's smile widened. “Let me show you the data entry for X's daily PT.”
He motioned toward the computer and, as she walked in front of him, I watched his eyes slide down to her ass, lingering there for a moment before coming back up.
My hands curled into fists and I turned back to the punching bag. If he was going to ignore me, then I would do what I wanted. My entire arm protested as I bent it slightly, the tissue pulling taut. I ignored it and started to work the bag with my right hand, alternating in my left every so often. The rhythm was choppy, awkward, and instead of making me feel better, it just made me feel worse.
I'd been in great shape before the accident, in the top ten for every physical fitness test the army had given. Now, I was lucky if to make it through a single set of stretches without breaking into a sweat.
“X, lay off the bag.” Kipp interrupted my thoughts. “We need to get your side and back stretched.”
I hit the bag more violently than necessary. “Well, if you'd stop flirting with her and start doing your fucking job, maybe I wouldn't have to do this shit on my own.”
I had my back to them, so I didn't see their faces, but for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Kipp broke the silence.
“Head back over to the bed so I can show Nori the stretches I have you doing.” His voice was even, without even a hint of annoyance.
For some reason, that pissed me off even more. I stomped over to the bed, aware that I was behaving like a child. “You want to see? Fine, see.” I yanked my shirt over my head and tossed it onto the floor, waiting for one of the two of them to say something about my actions.
Neither one did.
Kipp moved over to stand at the side of the bed, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on Nori. “Father O'Toole mentioned that you have some background in physical therapy.”
“I do.”
I risked a glance at her, but she was watching him. I hadn't known that. Then again, I didn't know anything about her that she hadn't volunteered. I'd never asked about her life, about anything. I'd been so caught up in my own shit that it'd never occurred to me to find out more about her. Not even after I'd found myself thinking about her more and more.
“What we really need to work on is keeping the scar tissue supple so that it doesn't tear when he moves. Since there are places on his arm and back that are still healing, we have to take things slow,” Kipp explained. “We also have some ointment that goes onto the skin after bathing to help keep moisture in.”
Shit. I closed my eyes for a moment. I hadn't even thought about that. Kipp was usually the one who helped me with the spots I couldn't reach. The thought of Nori's hands on me...
I swallowed hard and willed my body not to betray me. The last thing she needed to know was how much she turned me on, how much I wanted her. If she stayed, I wouldn't be able to hide it, not for long. Shame mingled with anger. I couldn't let her know. While it was hard enough for me to know that she only saw me as a patient, the humiliation of having her know that I was attracted to her...
I wasn't sure which was worse: thinking that she'd be disgusted, or that she'd pity me even more.
My only hope was to push her away. If I could get her to leave, then maybe Father O'Toole would take the hint and leave me alone. Even if he didn't, at least the next person he hired wouldn't be her.
“Were you born in Texas?”
Kipp's question caught my attention as I began to twist my body to stretch my back. I'd never even thought to ask Nori about that.
She nodded. “Born and raised.”
He grinned. “Got a bit of an accent there.”
She scowled, but her eyes sparkled, so I knew she wasn't serious. “Y'all are the ones who have accents.”
Kipp laughed, and then so did she. My heart clenched at the sound. I wanted to make her laugh like that. I knew I'd never be able to though. I'd never been the happiest person to begin with, and the accident had stripped away whatever happiness was left. I'd only make her upset and miserable.
She deserved so much better than that. Kipp could make her laugh and could be all of the things I'd never be again. I should want that for her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could never have her, but I knew I didn't want anyone else to either.
And that was how things would be for me from now on, I realized. Even if I did find someone I cared about after Nori left, I'd never act on it, because no matter who she was, I'd never be enough for her.