I said the only thing I could in response to that. “I'll do my best.”
Chapter Nine
Xavier
I stepped out of the shower feeling smugly pleased with myself. Not because I was actually feeling good about anything, but rather the fact that I'd decided to take a shower and not care about keeping my dressings dry. Part of it was because I'd wanted a real shower for a long time. While I'd technically been keeping clean, there was something to be said for how much fresher one felt after a real shower. The other part, however, was because I was doing something that I knew would piss off my doctors.
That was the thing about being angry, for me anyway. I wanted to lash out, make others as miserable as I was. I doubted my little rebellion would make anyone miserable, probably annoyed at best, but at least, I got a shower out of it.
As I walked out of the bathroom, I thought about heading downstairs to get myself something to eat, but I hadn't gone more than two steps before realizing that I wasn't alone.
I saw Father O'Toole first, and it was the expression of embarrassed horror on his face that made me realize he had someone standing next to him. For a second, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me because there was no way in hell that Nori Prinz was standing on the landing, staring at me.
But then her eyes jerked up from where they'd been looking and it all hit me at once. She was really here...and I was standing in the middle of the hallway, stark naked, about to be scolded by a priest. Something inside me snapped.
All of the anger and bitterness I'd felt from the moment I woke up in the hospital and realized what my life would never be again, all of it came pouring out of me. It was ugly and I knew neither of them deserved it, especially not Nori. I wasn't able to see her face when I said I didn't want her here, but I knew she was a kind, compassionate person, and my words probably hurt her.
Then again, I reminded myself as I slammed my bedroom door shut behind me, she probably didn't care that much about what I thought. Father O'Toole said he'd brought her out to help, which meant he'd offered her a job. She'd seemed pretty set at the hospital, which meant the father would've had to offer her a lot to get her here. She was nice enough, but I was a job, nothing else. It was all I'd ever been to her.
“Dammit!” I tossed my towel toward the pile of clothes that now completely covered my hamper.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, then quickly looked away. Dealing with someone like me in a hospital was one thing. Everyone there was sick, injured, recovering, or dying. I was one of many. Here, even hidden from the outside world, I was the only one. I knew the neighbors were wondering about me, trying to figure out who in the world the priest had taken in this time.
I didn't want the house, and I sure as hell didn't want a bunch of people lurking around, trying to pretend they weren't looking at the freak hiding upstairs. Even if they were told ahead of time what happened to me, it wasn't the same as seeing it.
I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on. It was hot outside – or at least, I assumed it was since it was June – but I found one of the zip-up hooded shirts I'd ordered online earlier this week. They'd arrived yesterday. I pulled it on, then reminded myself to turn up the air conditioning the next time I was downstairs.
I'd known Father O'Toole wasn't going to let me live here alone. I had my physical therapist coming in a couple times a week, but that wasn't the same as having someone here all the time, keeping an eye on me. When he finally decided I wouldn’t off myself, then I'd finally get some peace. Until then, I’d just have to deal.
And, apparently, that now meant Nori.
I ran my hand through my wet hair and muttered, “Fuck.”
What the hell was I supposed to do now? My pulse raced as I sat down on the edge of my bed. She was here, in this house. Right now. I assumed she was taking the third floor since that was set up similarly to this one and Father O'Toole had implied she'd be taking over all of the duties of the people who'd left.
Having her right here, day and night...my stomach clenched.
I needed her gone. If I was smart, I'd go upstairs right now and tell her not to bother unpacking. I'd tell Father O'Toole that I'd make nice with Hador, the replacement nurse who'd been coming in since I'd fired Aida if he'd stop trying to hire people to live here. I couldn't have her so close.
Ever since I'd had that dream, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I tried. And I had tried. I was no saint when it came to fantasizing about women or masturbating while thinking about someone, but I didn't want to think that way about her. She'd been too good to me already.
It was harder than I'd thought it'd be. I hadn't had much of a sex drive since the accident. Hell, that was a lie. Aside from that dream, I'd had absolutely no sex drive in the past three months. I'd tried watching porn, and even that wasn’t able to make my dick sit up and take interest. I couldn't get even a little hard anymore.