I put the phone back in the pocket of my shorts and turned to look out the window. I wasn't really seeing anything, but that was okay. I wasn't interested in where we were going as much as what was going on in my head.
Half a billion dollars. And that wasn't even taking into account that he'd given me the house and had a trust set up for its maintenance.
I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do with it.
The part of me that thought I didn't deserve anything wanted me to get rid of it. Donate all of it to some charity or other.
The part of me that was still afraid of the future, especially now that Nori was no longer part of it, wanted to take the money, take the house, and lock myself away from everyone and everything. I'd never have to worry about having to leave the house again. Never have to try to do this without Nori again.
Nori. Just the thought of her made the chaos start to settle. But with that came the pain of loss.
Could I even go back to the house in Philadelphia without her? Before, it'd been memories of my own past and my life with Father O'Toole that had filled that house, but now, there were memories of Nori everywhere. The kitchen where we'd talked. The rooms where we'd kissed. Where we'd...done more than kissing.
I wasn't sure I could spend my days locked away in a place that held so many ghosts.
I could move away. Take the money, and go somewhere without memories.
Without Nori.
And that was the real crux of the matter, I knew. All the money in the world, all the property, none of it mattered. I didn't want it because it didn't matter without someone to share it with. But not just anyone. I wanted her. Only her.
I'd have given up all of it just to have her. But that would never happen. Could never happen.
I looked up at the apartment building where Mrs. Prinz lived, where Nori and I had made love last night.
It could never happen.
Could it?
I leaned forward and asked the driver if he could help me.
Chapter Eleven
Nori
It turned out that getting my parents to agree to share the same apartment was actually the easiest thing I did all day. Telling X that we couldn't be together was the hardest. Everything else was somewhere in-between.
It'd taken nearly three hours to finally get all of the discharge stuff done, and I'd used that time to contact a home health-care company that was actually open on a Sunday afternoon. She'd met us at the apartment and helped me get my parents settled in, then stayed with them while I went out to get all the things we apparently needed.
And that was how I found myself back at my mom's apartment, standing in the middle of the living room, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I mean, I knew what I was here to do. I had the list my mom dictated to me of everything she'd need until she could get back to her own place. A part of me was surprised that Mom hadn't insisted on Dad moving in here, but I couldn't deny that another part of me wasn't surprised at all. Aside from his place being bigger, she'd never gotten over him, and he had stayed in our family's old apartment. Maybe she thought that being there together again, all three of us, could change things.
I wasn't holding out hope, but I supposed anything was possible.
I sighed and yanked out my hair tie. I'd had a headache since I left the hospital, and the medicine I'd taken back at Dad's hadn't even taken the edge off. I had a bad feeling I was going to spend the next couple months with pretty much a constant headache. My parents had managed not to fight for nearly an entire day, and that was longer than they'd gone since before Logan died. I wasn't planning on that being the norm though. The next few months of my life were going to be full of arguments and all of the uncomfortable shit that I'd left Texas to get away from.
And all I wanted was to go back to Philadelphia with X.
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes against the tears burning in them. I'd worked really hard not to give into all of the disappointment and heartache that had come with my decision. Staying busy had made that possible, and I'd thought I would keep being busy until tonight when I finally collapsed in my old bedroom and cried myself to sleep.
I hadn't thought that once I stepped foot back in the apartment, I'd be overwhelmed by memories. I'd had those few perfect hours with X, thinking we'd have a future together. I hadn't known what that future would be, but now I knew that whatever it could've been was gone.
I took a slow shaky breath and rubbed the heels of my hands against my eyelids. I needed to get the things on my mother's list and get back to the apartment. The nurse was already planning to stay tonight so I could go into tomorrow with a decent night's sleep, but I still didn't want to leave her home alone with my parents longer than necessary.
That would just be cruel.
I headed back into my mother's room and went into her closet. It was tiny, packed with dress clothes that she didn't need. On the floor, however, was her suitcase. I put it on the bed and went to her dresser. I forced myself to think about finding each item on her list. Comfortable pants and t-shirts. Nightgowns. Undergarments. Then into the bathroom for toiletries.