Alpha Male Romance(120)

I sighed as I walked back into my parents' room. X glanced at me, concern on his face.

“I could use some coffee,” he said. “You want any?”

I shook my head. The sort of tired I was wouldn't be touched by caffeine. “Thanks.”

The look in his eyes told me that he knew I was thanking him for more than just his offer to get coffee. Part of me wished I could ask him to stay, but no matter what we said to each other last night, we hadn't made any real promises. He didn't owe me anything, and with my parents' recovery ahead, I didn't know what it would mean for the future.

“I spoke with the doctor,” I said, moving to stand between the beds so they could both see me. “And we've got a decision to make.” I gave them both stern looks. “Let me get all the way to the end before you start arguing, because I know neither one of you will like any of this.”

As I quickly went through the options, I could see them making lists of protests to each one, but they kept quiet, so there was that. With both of them out of commission, the options were limited, and none of them were appealing to all of us, but we didn't really have the luxury of turning them all down. A decision had to be made, and before we signed them out.

By the time X returned with the coffee, my parents and I had gotten things arranged, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I hated this. Hated what happened, and what I would have to do.

“I need to talk to you,” I said quietly. I glanced at my parents. Dad seemed oblivious, but Mom looked worried. I wondered how much she suspected about what was happening between X and me, but it didn't matter. I knew what I had to do.

“What is it?” X asked.

I gestured for him to follow me, and we made our way down the hall to a smaller hallway that led to an emergency exit. This wasn't a main traffic flow area, so it was a good place for a private talk.

“I can't go back to Philadelphia with you,” I said bluntly. “The only way this can work with my parents is if we all move back into my dad's place, and I take care of them. I'll have some help, but I can't expect some stranger to be there all the time, especially if they start fighting. They're my parents. My responsibility. And I can't ask you to wait around since I don't know how long I'll be here.”

I left that last sentence purposefully vague because I didn't want to make assumptions about our personal relationship. I couldn’t expect him to sit around, waiting for me indefinitely when we hadn't even decided what we were calling each other. The thought of losing him killed me, but I had to take care of my parents first.

As I watched, the light drained from his eyes, and his face hardened into that blank mask that he'd worn around me for so long.

“I understand,” he said, the words devoid of emotion.

A part of me wished he'd argue, get mad, say something to show me that he wanted to fight for me, but I understood what he was doing. This wasn't about me and Tanner, or about anything that happened between the two of us. This was my family. And he was trying to make it easy for me.

“I'm going to stop by the base,” he said, his eyes shifting away from mine. “My ticket's open-ended, so I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'll let you know before I go.”

I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Tears burned my eyes and I looked down, not wanting him to see. He didn't say anything else, but I watched his shoes disappear from my line of sight, and heard him make his way back down the hall.

And just like that, I was alone again.





Chapter Ten





Xavier





I'd fully intended to go to the base, see if there was any news about my former unit. I hadn't heard from Zed since he'd shipped out, but that didn't surprise me. He'd never been one of those guys constantly calling home as it was. If he was going to take the time to contact someone, it wouldn’t be me.

Except when I got out of the cab at the base, I realized I didn't want to be here. I knew there would be other soldiers there, maybe even ones I'd been friends with, maybe some who'd experienced similar injuries in the line of duty. But that was the rub. They would've been injured in combat, or training exercises at the very least. It wasn't the same, no matter how many times other people said that what I'd done was heroic.

I'd felt it with Snyder, and I knew that if I went on to the base, I'd feel it again. I needed to clear my head, and this definitely wouldn't do it. I started to walk, sticking to the shadows. Every time someone looked at me, I felt my heart speed up, my chest tighten. It wasn’t easy before, exactly, but whenever I'd found myself on the verge of it being too much, Nori had been right there. I'd gone to give her support, but her touch had done enough to keep the darkness back.