And yet, here he was. Defying the odds. That, I supposed, wasn't exactly a surprise. X had always been the kind of person who took what others said about him and did whatever the hell he wanted to anyway.
When Tanner looked at me, I knew he was asking if it was okay for him to go. I nodded. I needed to know why X was here, and I was pretty sure I didn't want Tanner to be around for that conversation. He clearly knew that something was going on between us, but I didn't think he'd want to hear that we had slept together.
So Tanner left, I invited X in, and less than twenty minutes later, I was telling him about why I left. I'd been horrified by what he'd revealed about his sister and mother, then sympathetic, but by the time he got to the part about asking me to come back to Philadelphia, my patience had worn pretty thin.
I knew I was being a bit harsh, but I didn't have the strength to worry about that as I told him what happened. I knew I cared about him, maybe even loved him, but I meant it when I said that not everything was about him. I hadn't left a note or anything, and maybe I should have, but he could've just called. I'd been mad at him, but I would've picked up.
My parents were okay, but that didn't mean I wasn't still too drained to deal with him. I'd wanted to know why he was here. Now I knew.
I barely heard him apologize to me, but I did hear him say that he was going to leave. I should've let him go, just like I'd told Tanner to leave. I wanted to be alone.
Except I didn't.
I hadn't wanted Tanner to stay, even though he'd been a great friend to me today. But I didn't want X to go, no matter how he'd behaved in the past.
“Don't go.”
The words came out barely above a whisper, but I heard him stop and say my name.
When I looked up, I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. “Please, don't go. Stay with me.”
For one long moment, I thought my words had put the wall between us back up. That he'd tell me it was too little, too late. I knew I could do this on my own if he walked out, but I didn't want to. I wanted him with me.
Relief rushed through me as he came over to the couch and sat down. He was too far away to touch me, and I wondered if he was purposefully staying out of reach. I should've been grateful, because I didn't think I could handle a platonic touch from X the way I had from Tanner.
“What can I do?” he asked.
“I don't have the strength to argue,” I said.
“I don't want to argue.” He reached out, his fingers brushing mine. “I don't want to hurt you anymore. Tell me how not to hurt you, Nori.”
I was the one who took his hand, nearly sighing with relief when his fingers curled around mine. I wasn't just too tired to argue, I was too tired to pretend that I didn't need him. “I just need you to be with me.”
He brushed his knuckles across my cheek, and I felt the faint edge of scar tissue. “I'll be whatever you need me to be.”
Something inside me relaxed at his words. I didn't know yet how much he meant by them, but for right now, it was what I needed. “Thank you.” The words took more effort than they should have.
“You look exhausted,” he said gently. “Come on, let's get you to bed.”
I shook my head. “It'd be too weird to sleep in my mom's bed. I'm sleeping here.”
He looked like he was about to argue with me, but he only nodded and stood. “Okay, then, where are the extra blankets?”
Something had changed. I didn't know what or why, only that it seemed like X's priorities had suddenly shifted. I couldn’t take the time to analyze it right now. I was too tired to think straight.
By the time X returned with a blanket and extra pillow, I was stretched out and half-way to sleep. He smoothed down my hair as he tucked me in, the gesture as natural as anything. Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. Heat spread through me in a way it hadn't when Tanner touched me.
“Sleep,” X said quietly. “I'm not going anywhere.”
I believed him.
And I slept.
I didn't know for how long, but when I felt myself starting to wake up, I heard the shower turning off, so I knew I hadn't been out long. I was still tired, but I didn't want to go back to sleep again, not yet anyway. I'd essentially only had a nap, but it cleared my head enough to know that I wanted to see if X was still here.
The bathroom door opened and he walked out. It felt like an eerie form of deja vu, and I half-expected X to come out in his hoodie again, to go back to the sullen man I'd left behind in Philadelphia.
He was only wearing a towel.
My mind immediately flashed back to the first time I'd seen him in that house in just a towel...but not around his waist. Desire spiked through my half-wakeful state. I stared at him, at the way drops of water still clung to his chest and shoulders. It'd been less than two days since I'd slept with him, but he hadn't let me touch him then, see him. Now I was greedy, wanting to see all of him.