She sniffed and I looked down. Shit. She was crying.
I wanted nothing more than to sit down next to her, wrap my arms around her and tell her that I'd never hurt her again. After what I'd done, though, I had no right to touch her.
“When you didn't talk to me yesterday, I thought that you just needed some time to cool off, that I'd be able to talk to you this morning but you were gone.” I didn't try to hide the pleading in my voice. “Please come back to Philadelphia. Let's work this out, even if it means you just working at the house. I can't lose you, Nori.”
She raised her head, something flashing in her eyes. “You think I left because you were behaving like an asshole?”
Confused, I nodded.
“Don't get me wrong, the thought crossed my mind, but do you really think I'd be so petty to run away because you hurt my feelings?”
“You said you couldn't work for me anymore,” I said as my mind raced to try to catch up with whatever she was thinking.
“Yes,” she said. “But I never would've just walked out without another word. Especially not with everything you had going on with Father O'Toole. No matter how much you pissed me off, I would've at least stayed for the funeral.”
I shook my head. “I don't understand.”
“No.” She sighed. “You don't, because you never bothered to ask why I left. Did you even think to call me?”
Heat flooded my face. “No. I didn't think you'd answer.”
“I probably wouldn't have,” she said. “Not until I got back here, but not because I was angry or hurt. Honestly, until you showed up here, I hadn't really been thinking about any of that. I was a bit more concerned with my parents.”
“Your parents?” Now I was really confused.
“They were in a car accident,” Nori said. “Tanner called me late last night. They're in the hospital, and they're okay, but he knew I'd want to get here right away. I didn't leave a note or call you because I was thinking about them.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Not everything is about you, X.”
I flinched. She was right. I'd come here to apologize because I hated the thought that I'd hurt her, and I didn't want to lose her. I'd never once considered that anything else could've brought her back here. When I saw she'd gone, I'd automatically assumed that it had to be because of me, like I was the most important person in her world.
For someone who thought he didn't deserve anything, I sure thought about myself a lot.
I'd completely missed that part of the Dom lesson, too. Sure, it'd been about control, and about taking care of the Sub, but I'd never stopped to think about what that really meant.
With someone who was only a sexual partner, that was where the needs started and ended. With sex. But a Dom / Sub relationship that was more than sex meant that the care had to extend outside the bedroom. Society might not understand the whole BDSM lifestyle, but the ideal, truest, kind of love was the kind that was supposed to be displayed there. The kind that came with putting a partner's needs above your own.
I needed to put her needs above mine. Think about her instead of myself.
Tanner had clearly understood that. Even though she told him that she didn't want to get back together, he'd called her about her parents, and I had no doubt he'd helped her get here. He'd also been with her all day and had taken care of her tonight. He might not have stayed if I hadn't shown up, but he'd still cared for her.
I didn't deny the jealousy that went through me, but I knew that wasn't the point. If I truly cared about her – if I actually loved her – as much as I said I did, I needed to stop thinking about myself and put her first. That didn't mean pushing her away, but rather letting her go. Walking away so that she could get what she needed from someone who could truly help her.
“I'm sorry,” I said quietly. It seemed like such a trite thing to say, but it was all I could. She didn't need to hear another speech about my newfound self-awareness. “I'll let you rest. I won't bother you again.”
I was half-way to the door when she spoke.
“Don't.”
I stopped but didn't turn. I couldn't hope that she meant what I thought. It'd be too much.
“Don't go.”
I looked over my shoulder at her. “Nori?”
Her eyes met mine, and I could see the tears shining in them. “Please don't go. Stay with me.”
As if I could do anything but what she asked. It wasn't even a choice.
Chapter Six
Nori
He'd come to Texas for me. Left the house. Gone out in public. Not just in public, but flown half-way across the country, back to the place where he'd lost everything.
For me.
The entire time he and Tanner were standing in the hallway, my brain had been struggling to process the fact that X was standing in front of me. When I'd opened the door, he was the last person I'd suspected, and not just because I hadn't thought he'd want to make amends for what happened. If I'd been in a hotel close by the house, I still would've been surprised to see him. The thought of him even getting into a car to drive somewhere was a shock. But I knew, to get here, he would've had to drive to the airport, get on a plane, somehow figure out where I was, and then drive here. It was almost unimaginable.