Unless, of course, I decided to hire someone new, someone to take Nori's place.
I barked a bitter laugh. Someone might be able to do the work, clean the house, make meals, but no one would ever be able to take her place.
I'd fought my feelings for her for so long, hoping they would go away, or at least fade. I'd convinced myself that I had things under control until I had a moment of weakness and kissed her the other night. After we slept together, I knew I'd never be able to completely forget her. I'd hoped then that I'd be able to push her away, force her to move on. I knew I'd be miserable, but at least, I wouldn't drag her down with me.
I had no idea just how miserable I'd be though. It was an almost physical pain, something so deep and thorough that I could feel it down to my bones. I thought I'd prepared myself for losing her, but it wasn't until now that I admitted I hadn't really thought about her actually being gone. I always thought of her as being there, probably pissed off, but still there. I never truly imagined that she'd leave me.
“Dammit, Nori,” I muttered. But it wasn't her fault. All of it was mine.
Mea culpa.
It was always my fault.
But even as I thought it, I could almost hear Father O'Toole in my head, telling me that I wasn't truly to blame.
And telling me that I needed to go after her.
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want anyone to see me, didn't want to interact with anyone. I'd been plagued by dreams in various forms that all had one thing in common. People calling me a monster, a freak.
But I wanted Nori more than I wanted to avoid people, I suddenly realized.
I wanted her more than I didn't want those other things. I needed her to know that, even if she never spoke to me again, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try to fight for her.
Fuck it all.
I was going back to Texas.
Chapter Two
Nori
In the years I'd dated Tanner, I'd never let him use his private plane to fly us anywhere. That was the sort of thing I always felt should've been reserved for a wife, or at the very least, a fiancée. He understood my reasoning and had never pressed the issue. He'd given me gifts, but had respected my wishes not to have anything lavish. With the occasional exception of particularly fine wine or tickets to events that we really wanted to see, it was almost easy to forget how rich he was. I'd never once considered asking him for anything that reminded me of how much money he had.
When he called late last night to tell me that my parents had been in a car accident and were at the hospital, however, I hadn't hesitated to accept his offer to have a private jet take me back to Texas.
We might not have been dating anymore, but Tanner hadn't let that keep him from taking care of me like he always had before. He'd sent a car to the house to pick me up, had a private jet waiting – since his own plane was back in San Antonio – and assured me that there'd be a car to pick me up at the airport.
He'd done it all without needing to be asked, and without expecting anything in return. Considering it'd been a little over twenty-four hours since I told him that there was no future for the two of us romantically, it said a lot about his character that he'd wanted to go so above and beyond for me.
Aside from the obvious benefits of a private plane – not having to wait in lines or being subjected to regular flight schedules – I'd found myself grateful for the luxury. It wasn't a large jet, but it was definitely roomier than the business class seating I'd had on my way from Texas to Philadelphia. And being the only one on the plane meant I didn't need to worry about bothering anyone or having to carry on meaningless small talk with curious seat-mates.
I didn't know if Tanner had told anyone why he'd arranged for me to be flown out, but once we were in the air, the flight attendants simply told me to let them know if I needed anything and then left me alone.
Once they were out of sight, I finally buried my face in my hands and let go. These weren't quiet, dainty tears. While I managed to keep myself from screaming, I did sob the sort of heart-wrenching crying that left me gasping for air.
I wasn't panicking or hyperventilating, but it was close. I'd been through too much in the past two days, unable to fully process one thing before another hit me. Tanner showing up and our final date. Finding out that Father O'Toole had died moments before X kissed me. Sleeping with him, and then waking up to him being a total bastard. Him assaulting Kipp and the fight afterward. I'd only begun to work through any of that when Tanner called to tell me about the accident.
He'd assured me that, as far as the doctors would tell him, my parents were stable, but I'd worked in a hospital long enough to know that someone could go from talking one moment to flatline the next as some previously unknown injury made itself known. The only reason I wasn't completely freaking out was because I knew I couldn't afford to. I had a couple hours to compartmentalize everything, address the things I knew I needed to, and pack the rest away. It wasn't even close to what I'd need to be able to make decisions about what happened back in Philadelphia, but it was enough time for me to compose myself again.