I managed to make it to the bathroom, but just barely. It wasn't pretty, and I had a mess to clean up, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been, so I supposed there was that.
It took me a while to get my shit together, clean the bathroom and myself. I tried not to think too hard while I did it since pretty much everything except 'soap good' made even my teeth ache. The one thing I couldn't stop from popping into my head, however, was that I needed to figure out some way to make Nori talk to me. I needed to explain so she could understand.
So I could convince her to stay.
Except I knew there was something else I had to do first. I knew Nori well enough to know that she'd never consider forgiving me if I hadn't already apologized to Kipp. Plus, he really did deserve an apology. I'd been so far over the line that I hadn't even seen the line. He had no way of knowing how I felt about Nori, and there was nothing crude about anything he'd said. It was just my own jealousy over the thought of Nori with him that'd come out. It hadn't been anything personal either. I actually really liked him.
I just didn't like the idea of Nori with anyone but me.
That was something I needed to get over, I told myself as I dressed. I'd done too much to Nori to expect her to give me a real shot. The best I could hope for was forgiveness and not losing her completely. That meant I'd most likely end up seeing her with other men, maybe even Kipp. I couldn't go around punching all of them just because they'd fallen for her. No matter how much I wanted to.
I was actually a little surprised when Kipp answered. I'd honestly expected him to send me straight to voicemail.
“I'm sorry,” I said bluntly. “No excuses. I was an ass.” When Kipp didn't say anything, I kept going. “And I'm not saying it because I'm worried about you pressing charges or anything like that. You do what you have to do. I'll be honest about what I did. I just wanted you to know that I know I was wrong and that I'm sorry about it.”
After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke, “You were under a lot of stress. We're good.”
Relief flooded through me. “Thank you.”
“Don't mention it.” Another pause. “You really should tell her though.”
I blinked. “Tell who what?”
He chuckled, a dry sound, but there was no bitterness to it. “I'm not an idiot, X. You might've been upset about Father O'Toole, but that wasn't why you wanted to hit me in the first place. If you care about Nori so much, you need to tell her.”
I closed my eyes, remembering how the father had given me similar advice. “I don’t think that's an option anymore.”
“Whatever you did, if she feels the same way about you, she'll forgive you,” Kipp said. “If you need me to tell her about the apology–”
“No,” I cut him off. “I appreciate the offer, but that's not why I did it. Besides, that's only part of why she's pissed at me.”
“Look, I know it's not really my business,” Kipp said. “But since I have a bruised jaw because of it, I think I can offer my two cents.”
I might not have liked it, but he had a point.
“You'll never know unless you tell her.”
I scowled. “Father O'Toole pretty much said the same thing,” I admitted.
“He was a smart man,” Kipp said. “Trust me, X, you don't want to constantly be wondering what would've happened if you'd been brave enough to speak up.”
That didn't sound like someone who was merely offering trite advice. That sounded like someone who knew from experience.
“When I was in college, I fell for a girl,” Kipp said, his voice quiet. “She was the dean's daughter. Gorgeous. Smart. I was flunking one of my required language classes – French – and she tutored me. I spent an entire semester arguing with myself about whether or not I should tell her how I felt, but I convinced myself that she'd never want to go out with someone like me.”
I was pretty sure I didn't want to hear the end of this story, but after how I'd treated Kipp, I owed him the time to listen to what he had to say.
“Two weeks into winter break, she went on a date with this guy from the lacrosse team. Good-looking. Rich. All of the things that I knew she deserved.” Kipp paused, then cleared his throat. “After dinner, they went to a party and he got wasted. On their way back to her house, he lost control of the car and hit a telephone pole. He died instantly. No seat belt. She made it to the hospital and spent two days in a coma before dying.”
Fuck.
For the first time in a long time, I felt something for someone other than myself or Nori.
“At the funeral, her dad told me that she'd had a crush on me. She'd waited all semester for me to ask her out, but when I hadn't, she'd taken his advice and gone out with the lacrosse player as a way to start moving on.”