Allie's War Episodes 1-4(85)

He wrapped his arms around me.
“You need to cry,” he said. “Why don’t you cry?”
I didn’t have an answer.
“Do you want someone else here? A female?”
“No.” I cleared my throat, then shook my head. “No, I want you here.” I gripped his arm tighter. “But I need something from you.” When he drew back, I studied his face. Seeing the taut look there, I smiled, but without humor.
It didn’t take much to arouse his paranoia, I’d also learned.
“Tracking,” I clarified, releasing his arm. “Shielding. I can’t stand being this helpless...and I’ll lose my mind for real if I spend another day in bed.”
I felt him think. Interest grew in his light.
“Tomorrow?” he said.
I nodded. I leaned into him again and felt him react, as he sometimes did...but he only tensed until the feeling faded in both of us. I knew I was taking advantage, letting things blur so much. I wondered if he’d even give me sex if I asked, if only to distract me.
I felt his breath pause.
“Is that what you want?” he said, low.
His words vibrated his chest against my ear, but I heard every one. I considered pretending I hadn’t.
“No,” I told him instead.
I felt him hesitate, but his relief was palpable...palpable enough to make me feel worse.
I let my embarrassment be there, knowing he felt it, unable to do anything about that, either. Pride became meaningless when everyone could read your mind; you could either accept being pathetic in hundreds of unexpected, unacknowledged ways...or go crazy.
He withdrew slightly from our embrace, then slid his light into mine as if to compensate, merging into me until I couldn’t move. I got lost there, like wandering into a vast space with no walls or corners. No sexuality lived behind it, nothing but warmth and light, like being immersed in steaming water. He relaxed more, willing me further in. I started to react but managed to dull it, aided by the fact that I didn’t feel anything from him other than calm as he leaned into me.
Later, I would remember clouds...giant clouds of light.
There is a valley between high mountains, a red and gold crevasse that opens out onto a sea of liquid gold and diamonds. Here, I’m never alone. My friends surround me, and the water caresses every worry from my mind. My mother swims in that light-filled ocean, open in a way I barely remember. She laughs, splashing me with her hands, and her dark eyes shine with a soft calm, in a way they never did when—
I jerked awake.
The sound of the ship’s prow pushing through water greeted me, along with the motion of his breath under my cheek from where he held me tightly against his chest.
He was breathing harder; I felt him fighting to control it. Without pulling away, I turned my head to gaze at the ocean.
Here, the water stretches only into black nothingness and cold.
Then, out of nowhere, he speaks.
“Allie...I lied to you. I remember my parents. I remember when they died.”
It is a clumsy thing to say. I feel his awkwardness as he looks for a way to re-express it, to give it meaning to me. Tears well in my eyes. He holds me tighter, and I feel his relief as I finally let some part of myself go.
I won’t see my mother again...except in nightmares.
In those dreams, as in life, I am always too late.






 
    Nine by Night: A Multi-Author Urban Fantasy Bundle of Kickass Heroines, Adventure,   Magic
    
 


 

17
SCHOOL

 
Revik stood before me, his height outlined in stars.
The night sky propelled me through its virtual folds, reconstructed in exacting miniature. I extended a hand to one of the fist-sized flames, feeling its warmth, wondering at the detail in the illusion.
“Where do you get these toys?” I said wonderingly.
Seer tech, he sent. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, gripping his shirt because it somehow helped with the illusion of flying.
Do not leave me, he warned. ...Not even a little, Allie.
Control freak. I smiled, tugging on his shirt to get him to smile back. “We’re just looking this time, right? A little psychic tom-peepery?” Feeling him hesitate, I shooed him with my free hand. “I won’t leave you.” I crossed my heart, saw his eyes follow my fingers. “Promise.”
“In Prexci, Allie.”
Thinking briefly, I switched languages. “I vow it!”
He continued to look doubtful.
I had asked for this.
We’d been eating breakfast the morning after that night on the balcony. We were halfway through plates of eggs and toast and ham when I reminded him of what he’d agreed to the night before. Instead of hesitating, or seeming disappointed, as I’d more than half-expected, he nodded at once, as if he’d been thinking about it.